[custom_headline type=”left, center, right” level=”h2″ looks_like=”h3″ accent=”true”]They say, “failure is our best teacher” [/custom_headline]
I hate clichés (maybe I need to explore this…)
I hate them because they are lazy statements. A statement, or a quick story never did anything to give me a good life. At most it gave me some relief.
What has always helped me was reality.
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Our mission at TSL has never been to find a Social Dynamic or a way to have sex that merely worked. It was to explore ourselves and live in the reality of sex. Live in what it means to be a man, a woman, that is changed by life, sex, experience and connection. The only way to do this was to look at yourself, at some of the most undesirable things, because they were the greatest, most intimate teachers.
Like many people say, ‘Your failures are your greatest teachers’ or something like that. But at TSL we mean it.
- Your Failures
- Your Rejections
- Your Fears
- The Things You Hate
Are some of the most important tools for your journey to be the better man. They are also some of the things that nobody ever wants to be honest about. How often do we take a really close look at our failures? How often do we take a close look at what we feel when you are alone? How often do we look at how we act when we are around something we don’t like? Usually we are in so much distress that we find a way to get out of that pain as quickly as possible.
At TSL one of our main goals is to speak and communicate with our entire selves. In fact we believe it is impossible to be socially and sexually healthy without exploring all of us. This means we get to know our fears, our rejections, our failures and what we hate and why.
Think about it,
What do you fear about failure? What happens when you do fail? What are the feelings that you feel? What beliefs do you have about yourself? If you have truly explored and answered these questions you can pinpoint exactly what is wrong with your belief system that gets in the way of you being the man you were born to be. Why you fear sex, why you fear women and so on, is in the exploration of failure. If you have a relationship in any way without seeing that side of yourself, you will not and cannot be an expression of you.
What is interesting about failure is it if your personal expression that is being judged, by you. When you fail, what are you left with? What is telling you the story that is getting in the way of who you are?
Rejection is another thing. When we are rejected this is very close to failure, and many times they go hand in hand. Rejection is unique because it has to do with our beliefs towards others. What do others think of us? What do we think we deserve from others? What is it that we think about ourselves that cannot connect with others?
When we explore those 2 concepts alone we are given a huge amount of exposure to exactly what we need to fix about ourselves. Yet so many of us are unwilling to look there. We are so afraid of the resistance, fear and resentment we have we are the ones who keep us from having the social and sexual life we want. We keep ourselves from our natural state of fulfillment.
When I bring this up to clients I often hear, ‘So what happens when I look at it, how does that solve anything?’ What is sad about this is, if you’re unwilling to be honest with yourself, how can you expect to be honest with anyone else?
Here’s my experience. There have been plenty of times in my life that have terrified me, where I was rejected or feared rejection. There have been plenty of times where I have failed. One thing I know from all of those things is, it wasn’t the result of the success that actually gave me freedom in my life, it was the relationship I built with myself and others as a result of calming that inner anxiety. It was also something that was very easy.
One of the biggest fears of failure I have in my life is success in my family and being able to be successful in that. I have lived well in my life, as someone who never had responsibility. I have always been someone who never gave a shit and could easily walk away. Now I can’t. That isn’t an option for me. Everyday I think I can’t do it. In many situations I think I can’t do it. And why?
What happens when I fail? Why is failure such a big deal? When I fail at this, what does that tell me about me?
The story I tell myself is that I am somehow different than everyone else. I am not good at this sort of thing. I wall always be someone that doesn’t commit. I am someone that only know’s how to say ‘fuck it’.
The cool thing about that is when I actually go over this in my head and write this down I realize, why don’t I just do my best, just for today and see what happens? Why don’t I just express?
There doesn’t have to be any drama. There doesn’t have to be some huge battle. Being an expression of you never needed that. Why give it that?
Take some time today.
Think about what you feel when you’re alone. What comes up? Do you fear it? Does it make you feel something you usually turn away from and ignore?
What happens when you fail? What does that tell you?
When you get rejected, does that mean something? If so what?
When you don’t like something, how do you act? Do you have to talk shit? Do you have to hate it, or can you just not like it?
If we are anxious we cannot express. If we are reacting we cannot express.
If we cannot express we can’t be ourselves.
If we can’t be ourselves, our relationships, our sex and our connections will all be an act, and that is a shitty way to live.
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Be Social
Be Sexual
Live Life
Steve Mayeda
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Finally,
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