[highlight type=”standard, dark”]Listen to the Audio Episode TSL 0122[/highlight]
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This is a quick little audio/article comes directly from a TSL Online call where we are workshopping our identity. Our Identity Workbook is massive and it is where we start with all of our social dynamics design. If we are going to be using social dynamics by design we need to have a thorough understanding of ourselves.
In our third grouping of the Identity Workbook we talk about ‘Attraction’. More specifically we talk about 2 things –
- What are we attracted to?
- What’s attractive about us?
When we can talk about those things we can not only empower ourselves, but we can also move conversations into what naturally motivates us. If we are talking to a woman and we are able to specifically target what we are attracted to mentally, physically and emotionally from a women, just think about how much easier your conversations can be. Your anxiety lowers and you end up having better relationships and sex. In literally every way this model will out perform the traditional approach to social dynamics.
If we can get women to talk about what we find is attractive about our lives it is almost like game over. Imagine if you’re into your creativity with solving problems at work, most men think women can’t relate with that, but you can structure your conversations around having women want to know more about those things and when that happens you’re naturally motivated for the connection.
Let’s Start With Sex
Many men, when they list what they’re attracted to talk about sex. The shitty thing about this is most men think you can’t talk about sex or your urge and desire for a woman’s body to a woman you just met. The fact is, it is easy. We follow the same principle that we follow always in TSL – If you can get someone to understand you, you can get someone to express. This is super easy and we not only break it down in the audio, but we break it down a little bit lower.
ON THE CALL
This audio comes from a TSL Online Call, where one of our TSL brothers wanted to workshop this one question from the Attraction Section of the Identity Workbook.
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What are the 3 most attractive qualities about a woman, and how do they interact with one another?
Confusing…I know. But let us show you how easy it can be.
His answers –
Most attractive qualities – Her mentality is healthy, her emotions are balanced and he affection she gives me.
How they connect is that if she is going to be able to give me affection the affection that I like she needs to be balanced mentally and emotionally. Her life needs to be stable.
You might be thinking, ‘How the hell is someone supposed to express and share that with a woman?’
I say, WHY AREN’T YOU SPEAKING YOUR TRUTH?
Sadly most social dynamics is based not on your truth, but a concept or an idea about masculinity that you are supposed to ‘act out’ in order to learn it. Kinda like the die hard PUA Direct game guys. They open direct then the rest of them and their lives is the most passive fear based representation of a man, it is like there are 2 women trying to figure out ‘who’s the man’. Fun game…
I asked our buddy on the call, “How would you define affection that you like?”
He boldly said,
“There’s 2, when you are really connected emotionally with a girl and she shows her adoration and affection for you and then when you fuck the shit out of her”
(I hope the ‘fuck the shit out of her’ doesn’t bother you, but hey on the TSL calls we talk like men about sex…it happens)
I started thinking this is GREAT! Most people think that this is something that cannot communicate to women. It is really a sad thing. The fact of the matter is, you can easily communicate it.
Remember, if they can understand it then they can connect with it.
Here’s what I told him and what is broken down in the audio. And keep reading because we break it down again but a little more aggressive down below.
1 – Start talking to everyone about this. Don’t make it about only women or only women you’re attracted to. Once a day have this conversation. Why? Because this conversation is about connecting and influencing. It will be the same with everyone, including hot women. Get more experience with everyone and your experience with the women in front of you that you want, will be easy. Plus you’ll avoid all the anxiety that doing standard PUA stuff will give you.
2 – Let’s analyze this a bit further. What are the specifics and what are the generalities – the What & the Meaning? The what is affection. What makes that have meaning and is unique to our TSL brother is how he feels it best. This is through connection and rapport and sex. Literally everyone who has connect with someone and had sex knows this. This is how we will have to describe it to someone.
3 – The desired out come we want with people is first ‘Connect With Them’. If we can connect with them we can start speaking to specific parts of them. In this case if it is a guy or girl we want to be friends with we can just see enough of them to like them. If it is a girl we want to sleep with or possibly have a deeper more intimate and sexual relationship we can steer it in another direction. If that’s the case we want to speak to her sexuality, what part of her deep within that decided whether or not she likes someone, her image as a woman and how she gets turned on. All this is easy if you follow the TSL Model and you are yourself more than faking it.
What we did on the audio is we took all that information and put it into an easy Rapport Cycle. You should do this with everyone (men and woman), but if you find you’re attracted to them you will only change the last part.
Open With It –
“Hey this is a weird question but I’m from a small town in Canada and I think people from small towns view affection differently than people from cities. Where are you from?”
SIDE NOTE – I forgot to mention that this particular TSL Member is entering college and is from a very small town in Canada. He’s also a pretty sharp dude with his personality. If that’s not your situation you can easily change that around.
She answers where she is from and he continues
Opening Question –
(Extra technique of Listing of 3s)
“How would you define affections, like with a close friend or maybe the family pet or like a boyfriend/girlfriend?”
Your main goal in that opening part is solely for them to ‘take you seriously’ for that moment.
That is super easy to get.
Ground –
“Well I am from (XYZ) and I think people have different type of personal connections. In fact in this town people aren’t really that warm, and they don’t really aren’t caring in a way that I value. I think connecting with people is super important but it is personal. I value someone’s mentality and emotional stability, in fact i can only connect with someone if I’m at 100%, if I’m at 70% then the best I can give someone I care about is 70%. But also there are 2 types of affection. There’s the kind where you close to a friend or family member or maybe a girlfriend but then there’s the kind that is physical. The first time I ever feel something new with a woman…I’m not trying to be offensive here, but I think you understand… a different sense of caring and affection came out…(if a girl) in fact you probably know that when you’re with a guy before he sleeps with you or maybe you’re kissing and so on he will promise you the world. Once you’re done his mentality totally change.”
(if it is a guy or someone you want to be friends with you can do the last few lines like this)
‘There are 2 types of affection, one you have with your friends and even significant others. Then there is one that you have that is so unique with someone else it is defining.”
See how you’re moving in a different direction there? Then you challenge question can also guide in a different way as well. Like ‘What is your favorite thing to like about someone and what is your favorite thing for someone to like about you?’
Challenge (Second Question)
(Double Stacking and Listing of 3s)
“When was the last time you cared about someone in that way, that was super deep…(double stack) actually here is a better question, when was the last time someone cared about you how you cared about them? (Listing of 3s) It could be a close friend or co-worker or even a boyfriend you just loved, but he wasn’t’ the same as you.”
Our goal here is to connect to a deep side of them that has massive influence. Here you will have massive influence and connection with her sexual self if you take the above route. The next phase is to guide it through intent. This could be sexual intent or it could be the intent of whatever you feel, friendship, social circle and so on.
In this written break down I wanted to give you a little something extra, because we talked about this a lot on the call but did not record. Also the way to learn all of this would be to listen to the audio and read the post, then of course practice it and this is a bonus for you guys who are reading this.
When most men talk about what they are attracted to they talk about Physical Characteristics.
- Physicality
- Presence
- How She has Sex
and so on.
For me it would be –
- A Woman’s Face
- A Woman’s Face When She Orgasms
- Her Breasts
- Her Presence
These are all things that I am physically attracted to with women. Most men feel ashamed or they can’t communicate that stuff but the thing is, if you feel it you need to learn to communicate it and you need to learn to connect it. If all we need to do is have someone understand this then it becomes easier. So how do we do that.
First we need to look at a little deeper into the What (what we find attractive)
A Woman’s Face – I love the way a woman’s face can make me feel. I can be attracted in a way that is so calming and also surged with sex and desire.
A Woman’s Face When She Orgasms – This is the greatest representation of her and I. It is a part of her truth and beauty.
Her Breasts – Of course I like looking at a woman’s breasts, but it is more how I can feel them and or have a relationship to them. How they make me feel and how I can make her feel through feeling them.
Her Presence – This is one of the greatest things about a woman and if she has a beautiful body then it means nothing if her presence isn’t there. It is how she uses her body that allures me and turns me on at the same time intrigues me.
Now let’s look at how we can get her to understand that…EASY
A Woman’s Face in terms of how it makes me feel and insights my sexuality…all I have to say is, ‘You know when most men don’t get about women, it is all sex with them. Where as for me I think those same things but I see it in her face, her beauty and what that means. This all somehow then inspires me from her beauty to feel what I feel.’
A Woman’s Face When She Orgasms is even easier. She knows what it is like to have an orgasm (hopefully) but she definitely knows what it is like to see a guy orgasm. All I would say is, ‘So many people hide from their truth. This is how they are honest, how they share and how they connect and make love. The most beautiful thing to see from someone is that special moment they can give you, it means so much. Like someone’s face when they orgasm for you.’
Her Breasts is something every woman understands and also she’d be willing to have this conversation with almost any woman, so why would a man be difficult? I’d say, ‘You know what is always hard to imagine is why women and men are afraid of their bodies. It is only bad when they are objectified and people use them. But when someone connects to their body it is amazing. Like you have amazing breasts, I am not being an asshole here, but the sad thing is if people just like you for them it is an insult. But if people can show how they feel for you with them, or not just kiss them but kiss your entire body through them it would be the greatest compliment to you.’
Her Presence is also key. How she is able to use her body self and mind is key. How she holds herself. This can simply be said. ‘Most people say the most attractive part about someone is a part of a single trait, but literally the most attractive part to someone is how they hold themselves, how they show and express everything…there presence.’
My goal in all of this is not to just talk about this stuff, my goal is to actually feel and exchange those parts of her while working a verbal road.
I think I’m inspired to do another episode and blog post just on this…if you want to read it, well…keep posted.
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Steve Mayeda
