Somewhere in the end goal of every man and woman is to learn how to have the best possible relationships with each other. That can mean anything – monogamy, swinging, whatever your heart desires. In fact there can be no boundaries put on expression or sexuality. You must find what you like and make it your way.
What is most interesting about the seduction, dating and self-help industries is how rare healthy relationships are. Of course many men and women in those industries have had relationships but very few have built a life off of it. It is almost like an incomplete expression of sex. When you start having sex, you start building relationships. It is what happens. It doesn’t matter what rules you set in place, the frames you implement and so on, what matters is how you move with what changes. How you learn to work as a complete orchestration of body, mind, emotion and self with another human being.
If you are not communicating and connecting with the entire being, no matter what the sexual act is you will move into dysfunction. You will move into being sexually unhealthy. When we are sexually unhealthy we are being sexual without our needs being met. This could be a lack of physical fulfillment, emotional, mental and so on. When we don’t have our needs met we fight, we get angry, we get frustrated and confused. Isolation becomes a way of life, and connection is categorized and labeled so we can deal with the world around us.
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[custom_headline type=”left, center, right” level=”h2″ looks_like=”h3″ accent=”true”] SEXUAL HEALTH [/custom_headline]
There is a lot that we teach and talk about at TSL when it comes to sexual health. In fact you could say everything we teach comes down to that. Our social dynamics are really a less intense form of sexual health.
At TSL we also believe that no sexual act or preference is wrong as long as it is connecting 2 people. As long as there is consent it can be healthy and absolutely fulfilling on any level. That means we can be emotionally, mentally and physically fulfilled if we are having a sex life with one night stands, prostitutes and even just plain old sex. That being said, I know from my own experience and the experience of others that if I personally am having too many one night stands in a row, it starts to disconnect. Same goes for prostitution and even ‘plain old sex’. At TSL we don’t look at the behavior as the definition, the behavior is an expression of connection. Connection is the definition.
That all being said, in order to be healthy in relationships we need to be very aware of the total package of how we are having them and stop relying on ‘social definitions’ to enforce them. Your sex life and happiness is dependent on your expression, not what it is supposed to be.
To Be Sexually Healthy at TSL we have 5 suggestions
A slight disclaimer, if you really want to know what we mean by ‘Sexual Health’ you need to get involved with TSL Online or in another thorough program we offer. If you’re a sex addict like myself and the many other members of TSL finding sexual health is a long road. It is serous and takes more than just reading this article to get healthy. Join a 12 step group, or therapist that specializes in this, or join TSL Online. Take it seriously and work at it.
1 – Get Physical
Sex can have many different expressions, but at some point you need to physically have it. I know that I can go out and talk to women, get a connection, exchange sexually with them and feel fulfilled. However, if I don’t eventually physically have that with someone I will start to get frustrated. The physical side of sex is what makes sex work.
2 – Don’t Be Alone
We all know we can have sex with ourselves. That is no doubt sex. But if I am not having sex with someone else it turns into a distortion. I start treating my sex like an economic expression. I make se what it is not and to put it simply I get too frustrated.
3 – Exchange
To have sex you have to exchange. You are affected by someone else and someone else is affected by you. It amazes me how much we run from this. We try and control sex and dominate and so on, but at its core we are meant to be influenced by one another. Feel someone else and let them feel you.
4 – Authentic
You have got to be you. And let’s get this straight, I am not meaning ‘authentic’ as an archetype or a way of man. I mean be yourself. You need to be you, you need to explore you, you need to be willing to see more of you and someone else. At TSL we start everything off with an inventory. We explore ourselves and base our entire social and sexual dynamic off that inventory. It is kinda amazing we are the only company that does this. How can you learn to be social and sexual and be happy without learning to 100% authenticity?
5 – NO RULES
Sex has no rules. There is no alpha way, feminist way, misogynist way and so on. There is no set religious way either. The only rules you have are the ones you create as you’re having sex and that is not a rule, that is expression. If it connects and is good, do it. If it doesn’t don’t.
When we look at this through the eyes of relationships, if you don’t have an understanding of this, then you’re not going to be able to have good relationships. Think about it, if you’re living by someone else’s rules or standards or even following some guru (even TSL) too much you’re not being sexually healthy. If you’re Mr or Mrs Authenticity when life is good, but when shit hits the fan and you have to fake it, and fake it and continue to fake it until you polarize yourself you can’t be sexually healthy. But if you can live by all these things above and your life is to connect with women in some socially unacceptable ways…believe it or not you can be healthy (it just might be a little hard).
As for me, I find it is hard enough being in a relationship with one woman and giving her my entire self, so I keep it simple. However for about 8 years I live in every type of relationships you could imagine. I had swinger relationships, I have relationships where we would partake in massive orgies. I had relationships where I was with 4 women at the same time and we all interacted. At times I was healthy, and many times I was not.
What I realized was I had to humble myself to the massive orchestration of sex. I had to balance my emotional connection, mental connection and physical connection in the expression that fulfilled all. Currently in my life that is with Maria. I don’t have any plans on changing that. Never say never, or never speak in absolutes, but I am in this relationship with a different mentality. We work very hard at it everyday, and even when we have it connecting in so many ways with so much compatibility it takes us being 100% everyday.
Because of this we follow the model of Sexual Health
Physical
Are we physically together every day? What happens when we are apart? What is our threshold. Through the entire relationships we have had we have only not seen each other for about 2 weeks. Seeing that we are a few years into it, that is pretty cool. If we are apart too long, a few days we both start getting antsy. Everyone’s recipe is different. Like sexuality it is a unique expression. When I am looking at this model for my sexuality if I am not getting physical in about a week to 10 days, I start getting crazy.
In a sexual sense Maria and I are both pretty satisfied. We have very high sex drives and that is a big part of our life. If a day goes by where we don’t have sex, that can be pretty surprising. Perhaps we should write something on staying sexual in a long term relationship.
Not Alone
In our relationship we try never to feel alone. Our decisions and life is based off of us. Of course this makes us butt heads. We get in fights, but we don’t stay isolated or separate from each other long. Angry feeds off isolation. Even the feeling of isolation causes massive resentments. If you’re with someone, don’t feel alone. Connect.
Exchange
If you are trying to have a relationship and you don’t allow yourself to be influenced by another, you shouldn’t be having a sex life. You should be working on your confidence and self-worth. Our whole reason for being together is to complete the other. However, in terms of having a more promiscuous lifestyle you might be thinking, ‘how does this work for that’? You still need to exchange. My concept of beauty in women came from having a lot of sex, with a lot of different people. Many times it was just once, twice or maybe three sexual encounters. The key is, I found that sex, pleasure and my completing of my masculinity came from one things, beauty and connection. However, beauty and connection had many different faces, and each showed me a new side to femininity and masculinity.
Authentic
I know myself, because I have connected with women. It would be inauthentic to not respect my emotions and sex drive. I needed to learn how to express them. Getting to know yourself is key. But I feel you cannot know yourself until you have had experience. When it comes to sex and relationships you need experience or you don’t know what you want. If I can be myself with Maria or whatever relationships I have had, when life gets tough and the relationships becomes confusing I don’t have to react. I can choose. I may still be confused and lost, but the quickest way to balance and functionality.
No Rules
In your relationships learn responsibility. Stop looking at rules, blogs and dogmas to follow. The joy comes from you being you, and seeing what works.
Join us in The Sexual Life
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Steve Mayeda
If you like what you read,
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2 – Take a look at theBetter Man’s Guide to Dating & Lifestyle – It’s a 9 part audio series we have to do exactly what we are talking about here.
3 – When the time is right join us on TSL Online – the version James is on is the Virtual Course. TSL Online is a full blown 90 day intensive that is offered in FULL SERVICE or VIRTUAL formats.
Finally,
As in every BANG RADIO! Episode we give something away. Today it is the Guide to Good Sex.
This is a 3 part PDF series that breaks down, the Sexual Mindsets, Techniques and ‘Stuff people don’t want to talk about’ so you can have a GREAT SEX LIFE!
Click the fancy button and get the first PDF emailed directly to you! A few days later you will get the next one.
