Sex – Life – Confusion.

We live life but we are afraid.

We fear experience we want to control our outcomes.

We search for meaning and definition, and forget purpose.

 

We fear sex but we want sex.

We obsessed over sex but it has become more fantasy than reality.

We are ashamed of sex and we are consumed by it.

 

We wonder why we are so confused. 

What is your sexuality? 

What is your life?

 

 

Sex is one of the most natural human acts and it has become distorted.   Something that is normal, natural and one of the highest forms of communication has become a point of confusion and frustration.

 

To get back to that natural state of sexuality and living a fulfilling life we need to cultivate and maintain a good mindset.

We need to realize how important and vital sex is to our lives.

 

With working these 5 fundamentals your Sexual Life will be more about an expression and exchange of you and another person rather than trying to make you be something you’re not.

 

The Sexual Life’s goal is to end the desperate search trying to fulfill a lost identity.

 

The fundamentals of the Sexual Life are –

* Identity

* Connection

* Self-Acceptance

* Sex is a part of Life

* Everyone is Sexual

First we need to understand what I mean by the Sexual Life –

 

To be Sexual there is –

 

Sex – The Act

Seduction – The Process

Sexuality – The Result of Sex and Seduction

 

 

To live Life there is –

 

Identity – Who you are really are, rather than a façade

Experience – Your experiences not just your actions

Purpose – What fuels you rather than simply your results

 

 

 

The 5 key fundamentals will be the path to your Sexual Evolution

—–

 

1 – Identity –

Live your life, not your lie 

 

At the core of all personal change YOU need to be in it.  At the core of your sexuality YOU need to be in it.

You need to be you.  Not a façade, not a fake identity, not an act.  Yes you might borrow some things from people you might ‘fake it till you make it’, but you need to come back to you.

I have seen this lack of authenticity fuck more people up than anything else in the Seduction, Self-help and the Recovery/Addiction industries.

 

It is as if WE are afraid to be in the equation to OUR path of change.  It is as if we are afraid to have sex without an image guiding us.

 

In my 5 years of teaching the most angry, pissed off, dysfunctional and frustrated clients all have one thing in common – They bought into an idea, that told them –

they could have what they wanted by not being themselves.

There are nothing wrong with methods, systems and actions that teach you a new way to live; however how these things are sold is that they work independent of that person’s life.   A system can only accent who you already are.

 

Why anyone would want a life outside of themselves is something to question, if this is what you’re looking for a ‘quick fix’ product isn’t going to help you.  It will most likely fuck you up more.  Every move you make in your life should not be detached from who you are.

 

To experience means you are affected, you might feel joy and you might feel pain.  The key is to not live reactions of those things.

You need to be proud of yourself.  You need to be you.  If you throw your life to the side to be something you’re not that act alone takes away your pride, and puts you on a path of self-hate.

 

As a culture we are afraid of sex and afraid of being ourselves.   We would rather be in love with a fantasy than to feel the rich intimacy, vulnerability and love that sex can offer.   Sex has become an exaggeration of porn and on the other end shame.  This is all because we are unwilling to be ourselves with someone else.

 

 

2 – Connection – 

There are few things more beautiful than connecting with another human being.  Connection is the exchange of intimacy, passion, chaos and humanity. 

 

We forget this.

We forget that sex is simply an act of connection, we forget that our happiness is dependent upon how we connect with the world around us.

 

Biological beings cannot live without some connection within their species.   It is built into us.

Yet we look at sex as a society as something we can get, take, dominate or have.   Sex is the ultimate act of sharing.   If you meet get married it is an exchange…

If you meet a woman and have a single night rendezvous it is an exchange.  If you hire a prostitute it is an exchange.

 

We are afraid to share.  We are afraid to exchange.

Why is this?

There are 2 reasons that come to mind

1 – We are afraid to show ourselves

2 – We are afraid to be affected by others

 

You see in the ‘quick fix’ nature of self-help and seduction industries the general theme is that you can simply reap the benefits they offer without having to really be you.  You won’t get hurt, you won’t get affected in any ways that bring you pain.  Their method will stop the pain of loneliness and depression and you’ll be great all without having to face yourself.

 

We have more faith in Prozac than working through our problems.  Don’t get me wrong, if you’re seriously depressed seek help, there is nothing wrong with taking prescribed drugs if you need them.  However, many people get prescriptions that don’t need them.

What the problem is with many of these drugs that numb your depression, anxiety and so on, is they numb everything else.

Our lives are built on being numb.   Human connection is at the heart of experience.

Happiness is meaningless if we can’t experience it with anybody.

 

The delusion is that we believe more in getting what we want than connecting with people.   We think that achieving our goals, having ambition without respecting the simple human act of relating, accepting and having compassion will make us happy.   These things will not alone make us happy, we need to have the element of human connection interlacing it all together.

 

I love sex, and so does the rest of the world.

For me personally, I have had all different types of sexual interactions.   In the past I would hear about something new and I want to try it.

However more than sex, I love connection (I had to learn the hard way) .   You can have calm and mellow missionary sex all the way to orgies, gangbangs and whatever else you can imagine, but without connection being the motivation and inspiration behind those acts they will simply be acts, and they will turn into confusion and chaos.

 

Sex is one of the highest forms of communication and it should be respected in this way.

 

That connection of sex is so powerful that culture after culture tries to put rules on it.

 

Connection is something that is bigger than anything man can make, simply because it is at the heart of anything man makes…connection will always be the catalyst to what surpasses itself.

 

 

 

3 – Self-Acceptance –

If we know who we are (Identity) we need to accept who we are (Self-Acceptance)

 

A life without self-acceptance is a life hiding behind guilt and shame.

 

We look at what we can get not at why we want what we want

We blindly try and explore ourselves without truly exploring ourselves.

 

We can’t fix who we are if we can’t accept who we are.

 

Too many people are unwilling to look at themselves.

Too many people think their flaws are meant to be hidden, covered or even unattractive.

I want to be a human being not some robot or mask.

Here is the reality, no matter how perfect you think you are, you’re not.  You never will be.

However you can absolutely evolve, everyone has the capacity for massive personal change.

No matter how much you think your life is set in stone, let alone your sexuality, it is not.   The initial steps towards that transformation have to do with self-acceptance.

 

My friend Dave told me once,

“You’re going to have to come to terms with who you are and practice some self-acceptance.   If you’re the guy that goes around and fucks chicks and does whatever crazy shit you’re into, there is nothing wrong with that, if you’re honest with yourself about it.  But the confusion comes into play when you try and not be that guy and you’re living as 2 different people at the same time.”

 

People want something to cover up with rather than be themselves or express themselves.

You see this in the seduction industry over and over again.

What the industry in general says,

‘To be an alpha male you have to do what you want and figure out ways to avoid responsibility’.

How can I have sex and trick these chicks into being ok with it???

 

Here’s the answer,

You can have whatever sexual life you want.  You can have as many women in your life that you want, but in reality it is more of a question of what you can handle…

Can you handle a sex life with many partners; can you handle having multiple relationships with women?

If you’re planning to lie about it, there is nothing ‘alpha’ about that.

 

What Dave was telling me was simply that I had to accept myself first.  If I was hiding from my actions, or my actions from other people then I was manifesting shame.   It doesn’t matter how good I get at communication, it doesn’t matter how much I can control a situation if I have guilt, shame or self-hate then I am always going to move backwards.

 

I need to accept myself, the good and the bad.  If I have a speech impediment, handicap, emotional issues, a disease or deformity , anger towards women I need to first learn to look at that and accept it, then I can determine if I am going to express it to the world around me.

Anger is a lack of acceptance.  Depression (or anger turned inwards) is a lack of self-acceptance.

 

 

Life, Sex, Humanity is not a template, it is not a system, it is not a routine.  You need to accept your life and find that true freedom is in that.

 

4 – Sex is a part of life – 

Sex is one of the greatest forces known to man. 

We forget that.

Life (literally) begins with sex.

However so much is communicated, defined and cultivated through sex.  Sex is its own form of communication.  We forget how powerful it is, we forget how much respect it demands.

I know men and women that think sex will make them happy.

The sad thing is that is can make them happy, but it doesn’t.  The reason why is sex is not respected.  It is simply an act.  It might be an act of validation, or and act of a simple urge.

The problem is when sex is only an act your sexuality has no purpose.

 

If we sex as something that is at the root of all life, at the root of many of our emotions, and its own special language then our sex acts can be fulfilling.  Our sexuality makes us happy.

 

Instead our fears towards who we are (Identity) giving a part of ourselves (Connection) and loving accepting who we are and the acts we are doing (Self-Acceptance) keep sex as only a simple act.

 

We think it is bad, we think it is harmful, shaming, lewd and so on.  Sex is part of life!

Sex is also bigger than us, we will never master it, control it or be able to truly put a definition on it.

The same goes for life, at most we can simply live it.

 

When we stop being humble towards sex and sexuality we will be humiliated by it.

 

We need to recognize sex’s power and beauty and express that through ourselves, this is what we call our sexuality – our expression of that great force.

 

 

5 – Everyone is Sexual – 

We are already sexual – to have the best sexual experiences we need to take things away more than add them.

 

We forget this.

We forget that we are sexual, we forget the people we are attracted to are sexual.  The more we see people as not sexual beings the more we build walls around our relationships with people.

 

I hear women all the time say that they don’t want to be sex objects.  The problem is not the ‘sex’ part, it is the ‘object’ part.

The more we see people as some sort of check list or category the more we get away from the organic nature of a person’s sexuality.

Both women and men do this constantly.   They think attraction is something that can be listed off and categorized, while it might be true (people are more attracted to certain qualities and body types) we have to realize that our sexual side can over power our tastes.

This is where both women and men get it wrong.

Women will always say they are attracted to confidence, humor, height and so on.

Men will say they are attracted to her breast size, ass, weight, open-mindedness and so on.

 

This is all what we like, this is not our sexual side.  There is a difference.

Sex is a force within us.

We might give attention to specific features however our sexual urges always win once they are stimulated.

 

I know many men and women who can define what they are attracted to and what they want in a sex partner…they hardly ever get it.

Women and men who you would think can get anyone they want are never fulfilled.  This is because they are not realizing sex is more about connection than a checklist.  People who value and build their relationships on intimacy, connection, exchange are people that have relationships.  People that value relationships on what they are attracted or what they want don’t have relationships people, they have relationships with a fantasy they are trying to manage.

 

Where the Seduction industry gets it wrong is it is predominantly based on the idea that women are sexually attracted to social value.

I can guarantee you that most women’s pussies don’t get wet when they see a nice car or men with a lot of money, status or whatever.  And the women who’s ovaries do move when they see that are the rare ones that you should avoid.

In fact I would bet that a women seeing a man with a lot of status and attention would have considerably less physical arousal than a women watching a man with no money playing with his infant child.

This status simply gets women’s attention and allows you more opportunities to get sexual.   But then what are you having sex with.

The seduction industry is an industry full of technique on how to have sex that has nothing to do with sex.

 

If guys in the seduction industry simple got that seduction is in everyone and nearly independent of status they would gain a lot more ground at having IDEAL SEXUAL relationships with women.

 

If women who watched Lifetime movies and read Cosmo realized that their fantasy of some man recognizing them for their personality.  Sexuality, sex and relationships aren’t a list of qualities, femininity (as well as masculinity) isn’t a demand for something.  You have to be sexual, you have to experience to have your definition.  If you’re on the sidelines then you’re just taking notes.  Remember the beauties of sex are beyond any list you come up with.  Your lists and theories without experiences to shape them are only opinions.

 

The whole thing is that both sides have come up with these bizarre fucked up rules for each other so their in a constant state of confusion and frustration.

Women and men need to realize that they are meant to be sexual.

 

Every man and woman I know and talk to all want to be desired.  They all want people to be attracted to them.  Every woman I know wants to be hot, every woman I know wants the ability to arouse a man and every woman I know doesn’t want to be hit on poorly by a man.

 

She wants to her sexuality to be respected but what does she put out there to be respected.  A girl with no personality demanding her personality to be respected because her frustrated friends that get walked on by men said so.

 

The sad thing is neither women nor men do enough to be respected.

 

Rather than going out and experiencing life they would rather take the shortcut to manhood.   No man is secure with his presence as a man.  Rather than getting comfortable with himself and follow his natural urges to pursue a woman he’d read a book on how to be alpha so he could finally be perceived as a leader…after that he can fuck some bitches.

 

This is why you have 25 year old men pounding Viagra so they can ‘fuck like a porn star’ or think they need a bigger dick to be better in bed.

 

This is why women have more sex partners than ever before but have no concept of how to move their bodies and have an orgasm.

 

Nobody knows how to seduce or be intimate…

 

No man knows how make a woman feel like a woman, and no woman knows how to make a man feel like a man.

 

Sex has no boundaries and somehow ‘modern day humanity’ has taken the most human thing and suffocated it.

 

Men and women are too caught up being boys and girls.  Part of growing up is to be a sexual person.

Part of being a man is to show women they make you aroused, and part of being a woman is to show a man you’re aroused by him (a slut just fucks them).

 

The art in it all is experiencing sex but doing it in the right way.  That’s where the fear lies…we might have to take a step by ourselves, we might have to fail, we might have to get rejected, but only through this is the path to enlightenment.

 

WE ARE ALL SEXUAL BEINGS!

 

When we live by our fears our Identity becomes a façade

When we are living by a façade our sex can only be an action.

When our sex is only an action we become frustrated and want to control things.

When we value control over experience we search for definitions and fear our experiences.

When we live by definitions we put our faith in a series of action and we have no purpose.

When we have no purpose we only become the sum of our results.

Results without purpose is the worst mirror one can stand infront of

 

Our Sexuality is no longer an expression of who we are and what we are sharing with someone, our Sexuality and our Purpose is a checklist.  We have taken 2 things (Sex and Life) that need no help, you just have to do them, and tied them in knots.

 

Live well

and comments always welcome

 

Steve