You see professional Dating/Seduction advice givers are really obsessed with looking good.  They want every aspect of their life to fit what is ‘cool’ or what other people might think is attractive.

However I have quite a flavored social circle and have known guys who are good with women (really good with women) who have nothing.  In fact they are –what some might consider – losers.

I have always been more interested in a guy who gets results, especially with women, who has the disadvantages rather than the (usually false) advantages…

Whatever those guys are doing is what I want to be doing.

You take a guy who has no job or a crappy job, no money, no car, takes the bus and doesn’t really shower too often and what makes women want him???

It’s because that guy, that “loser

is honest about his life and what he wants.

Here is where the info you have read out there is completely wrong.

People always have said women are attracted to ‘Value’.  This meaning a ‘Social Value’.

In reality ‘Social’ ‘Provisional’ and ‘Emotional’ Value have more to do with attracting a relationship.  In fact there are actual studies by real academics that have discovered this.  Read David Buss’ books.  I got the opportunity to speak with him in Texas.  It makes sense though.

Women who see ‘value’ are attracted to you in more of a relationship than a sexual urge.

Women who are attracted to urges or sexuality only need sex to be allowed.

Women are attracted to both…and probably more, so what you show them is what is important.

What you have, or who you know, attracts a woman in less of a sexual way and more of a relationship way.    She felt safety first, and was drawn in be the potential for having a mate.   What is great about the PUA industry especially, is that they got good at faking a lifestyle, but nobody really got good at having one.

Things that Sexually Attracted were different, and independent of ‘Value’.  For a woman to feel ‘Sexually Attracted’ to you she didn’t need much.  She needed maybe some intent and an option for her to choose than anything’s else…

An example of that might be…

“You’re really attractive, but I still want to talk to you and not freak you out…what do you do when you’re not hanging out with your friends?”

The  “You’re really attractive” part is the Intent

The “but I still want to talk to you and not freak you out” has her be led out of the threat…

and

The “what do you do when you’re not hanging out with your friends” part allows her a choice to have a conversation with you or not.

That mix of Intent and Choice is what makes attraction happen.  Now that example is pretty direct and unique, but it you opened with that, you would harvest better results than if you went through all this fake mumbo jumbo stuff.

How this fits into the Honesty thing is that getting better at stating Intent (what you want) is honest.  Also being able to Show yourself for ‘who’ you are is also honest.

Those are both attractive things…even ‘alpha’ things.

What the Dating Gurus never got was that if you show Intent it is attractive –

If you are not afraid to show who you are, that is attractive.

They might have said those things, but then they would say they are not accountants (or whatever job or persona they felt they were ashamed of) and said they were something else different.

When you think about it, it is not really anyone’s fault either…but it is not the solution.

When you look at the ‘hot woman’ crowd they do all this fake shit to compete to get men’s attention.  They might wear tons of make-up, they might get fake boobs, might wear a push up bra, who knows what else…

Where guys have fucked up is they forget that if they could learn to not be afraid of themselves and assert themselves they would actually get women.

If they could learn a simple mechanic like…

-Show intent

-State who you are

-Define the situation

they would get much further.  What is frustrating for me is that there are guys out there that have such rich lives that they think they can’t share.

For instance my buddy Sean, who inspired this topic,  he has raised his son by himself and worked a normal, no non-sense job for most of his life.  He has never really had problems with women, but what is important is that he was never ashamed of himself.

If you put his life within the PUA/Dating filter the cons would out weight the pros.

Without writing too much about his personal life I can say that he has never really had all the exaggerations that the dating scene said you had to have to meet women.

In fact he would have things they would encourage to hide.

In knowing Sean he never did.  He wasn’t ashamed of himself.

He had no problem telling a girl he liked her…

He had no problem telling a girl who he was

and

He had no problem guiding a girl in the right direction.

 

The problem is the Seduction, PUA, and Dating scene got it wrong.

 

You can be yourself, but you have got to be willing to be honest.

 

You don’t need to hid from yourself.

 

You don’t need to be ashamed of yourself

 

You need to worry less about what you think ‘they’ think is attractive

 

and

 

Worry more about what you are going to show them is attractive.