We all know how to do what is necessary to be alive, live happy get by; but very few of us do whatever it takes to be the better man.
That is why I have the friends that I have. It is this connection that gives me the opportunity to do whatever it takes to be the better man. One of those people is my buddy Dave…
Dave is somewhat of a mentor of mine, but not in the sense of how most people look at mentors. Dave is a humble guy. There is no leadership or hierarchical dynamic, it is more like he is the guy I go to with different journeys of my life. There is something ‘unspiritual’, as he would put it, if it was anything other than him sharing his experience and how it would relate to principles. As he would put it,
“If I’m going to be spiritual and say there’s a god, which I don’t know if there is one, how could I say there’s any more of that god in me or you. Since we are on a spiritual path there can’t be a hierarchy.”
This is a story of Dave, doing whatever it take. This is also why I respect him and why I respect humanity.
A few months ago Dave entered into a point in his like where he would truly be challenged. His wife told him she wanted a divorce. This was something he didn’t want and his marriage was something that h really wanted to work on. For men out there, it is one thing to get rejected or lose a job, but what is so powerful about divorce is that it is an investment you put into an entire life, a person and a commitment that goes far beyond many of the other commitments we make in our life. It is a statement and a definition of who we are. Sadly, as we all know marriages don’t always workout.
The reality of this separation started to set in. I would see Dave here and there and we would talk about the trouble, confuse and disappointment he felt. The dividing of things, the heartache, the frustration and so on. Without getting too personal about Dave’s life, and I don’t think it is necessary to make my point, he hit a point of pain and depression he hadn’t felt in years, that hit on many level.
A few nights ago I hung out with Dave. He stated sharing with me that his depression had finally started to lift. It was still there, but that point of total emotional and mental desperation was not there like it was months ago.
He told me,
“I had to stop making my life about ‘no matter what’ and start making it about ‘whatever it takes’. The reason being is, I can live life with in excuse with ‘no matter what’. I can say, I’m staying alive and living in ways that aren’t spiritually sound, and call that no matter what. I started living in a way that, because I was depressed and pissed off at the situation I was allowed to do things that weren’t my ideal. I had gotten some advice from a friend of mine to stop making things about ‘holding on, no matter what’ and start making them about a standard of living. So I decided to start living by this – ‘I am going do whatever it takes to live a spiritual life’.”
Having seen first hand at how hard and confusing this time was for Dave, it had a massive impact on me. I started thinking about how many people I know that live by what they believe in, and do whatever it takes to live by that. I started thinking about how I do whatever it takes to live by my own standards and how often I don’t. When I see someone go through so much stress and in all of that build a discipline of spirituality and ideals around it, it amazes me. We have all been there, in desperate times, and begged for relief promising to change, but rarely do we see a man totally change and have a life to show us all.
Much of my time with Dave has been a major influence on TSL and what we do here. We study the Social Dynamic to be the Better Man, but how often do we actually live to be the better man? How often do we have a vision and standard of truly being that. How often do we confuse ourselves with trying to be alpha, or achieving some status of self and social approval, rather than finding what we think is right and working towards that? It is so rare, but when I see someone who loses everything and from that creates serenity, happiness and peace of mind that is a way of life that I can relate with, follow and respect. It is the model I can follow. Without idolatry, without a need for power, but simply a story that happens, when one man can be honest and real about his life. When that is shared I can have another point of reference of change in my life that I can make my own.
At TSL this is why we talk, we connect, we have created the men’s group that we have. Where as an international group of men, we can come together and live our own unique expressions of what it means to be Born to be Social, Born to be Sexual and Live Life.
Shoot em my way – Steve@theSexualLife.com
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