HOW DO I BREAK UP WITH HER?
If you want to learn how to be good with women you’re going to have to learn how to have a relationship, end a relationship and perhaps even why you want a relationship in the first place. This is where TSL has so much of its power as a men’s group. For the past 10 years we have been teaching social dynamics but in a group setting, building up a massive alumni who’s experience is unmatched. As a collective group we have been in the pursuit of being the better man in every area of our life. This is not easy.
This is where Episode 116 is so interesting. The reason being is it comes from an active TSL member who has just been with us for a few months. I can say for myself personally I didn’t take on the perspective he had with women, communication, sex and break ups until I had already had a huge amount of dysfunctional relationships. Although in this case, Seamus, the TSL member, is talking about something that frustrates him, and may not be seen as positive, what is important is he is on the road to being the better man. I wish I had this group in my entire 20s. At least I have it now.
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HOW TO BREAK UP
There is never an easy way to break up with someone you have been close to. Sadly for myself and so many others we relied on dramatic exaggerations to end relationships. This is the worst way to go about things. It wasn’t’ until many years of trail and error, working on myself and communicating and connecting with people who lived in ways I respected I learned how to handle this better. It is interesting because when we have connected so deeply with someone we often think, we need to hate them to simply say ‘this doesn’t work’.
First Explore Yourself –
Ask yourself, why you want to break up with this person. For me I believe in picking up a pen and paper and writing about it. You can free write, make a pros and cons list and 100 other things to breakdown what you feel and why. This isn’t a tool to look at your relationships like a job, but it is a way for you to see everything that is going on. Many times, confusion builds pain and tension and far too often we react ourselves into a choice, and that’s not a true choice.
Be Honest –
If you come to the conclusion that you don’t match up don’t make it a big deal. Like I had said, it doesn’t need to be a big deal. It just needs to be a decision that you can communicate. Honesty is simple. Confusion is loud and chaotic. If you really have decided to cut the intimate relationship then you need to tell them. Keep it simple. Show concern, but be clear. There doesn’t need to be any grey area or mixed messages. Tell them straight. If you respect them, treat them with respect, tell them the truth.
30 Days –
Limit or end communication for 30 days. I say this, because we all know how good make-up sex is. When things come apart they feel great when they come back together. However, what was broken to begin with doesn’t always get fixed. If you’re sure about breaking up, don’t communicate with them for 30 days. Explain this to them. Tell them you need time to yourself and afterwards we can talk of befriend or perhaps never see each other again.
If you work with them, stay away from turning to them in any way you would treat a girlfriend
or boyfriend. Do not share highs and lows and do not end up alone with them so that you’re forced into intimacy.
Of course this is not a 100% template. You will have to adapt it to your life. See it as more of a loose guide.
At TSL this is why we do most of our work as a men’s group rather than a specific skill or set of rules. Communicating and connecting with people who are like-minded is magic. It is the most powerful learning tool, that is why we do it.
Shoot em my way – Steve@theSexualLife.com
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2 – Take a look at theBetter Man’s Guide to Dating & Lifestyle – It’s a 9 part audio series we have to do exactly what we are talking about here.
As in every BANG RADIO! Episode we give something away. Today it is the Guide to Good Sex.
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