[custom_headline type=”left, center, right” level=”h2″ looks_like=”h3″ accent=”true”] This is the age old question… [/custom_headline]

How can I turn my friend into a lover?

How do I get out of the friend zone?

Please, Steve tell me the secret PUA trick to getting this girl to like me?

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Before I give you the answer to this, I want to say something first…

I hate questions like this.
Why?
Believe me I have asked this same question many times myself. The 15 year old me, the 25 year old me and the 28 year old me would have begged for the answer to this question. But after having lived a life where sex and connection is absolutely fulfilling I can tell you how desperate this is. Desperation is the mentality that brought me to my bottoms, and although it made me desperate enough to look for an answer, the answer was always much more simple.

Let me explain this a little bit.
If I felt desperate or less than or that somehow I was missing something sexually then I could NEVER get fulfillment with relationships. I might even be unlucky enough to get the results of success, but I would never be the human being that could handle it.

Now if I could build the foundation of self that makes results so great then I could be happy.

Without knowing who you are, and being satisfied with that, you won’t be having relationships, you’ll be having validation, comparisons and all sorts of other dysfunction you’re calling relationships. Sadly we have taken sex and turned it into everything but sex.  I’d start with that, if you’re asking this question. 

[custom_headline type=”left, center, right” level=”h2″ looks_like=”h4″ accent=”true”] Here’s my answer -[/custom_headline]

If you want to get out of the ‘friend zone’ and turn your friend into a lover I have 2 roads for you.
1 – If you’re in this situation here’s how to get out
2 – If you’re always getting in this situation here’s how you won’t get in it again
(In fact you can download this PDF that is titled KILLING the FRIEND ZONE for free)[custom_headline type=”left, center, right” level=”h2″ looks_like=”h5″ accent=”true”]I’m In The Friend Zone [/custom_headline] If you’re in this situation you need to stop it. It is a situation that is not serving you. You need to state intent and tell her what you want. Believe me I get this, she may not want this, but once you gain some experience with women you will realize that this is a lot easier than you think. You simply tell her something along the lines like – “Hey I know we are friends, but I think of you more than just a friend. I don’t want to embarrass you or make you feel nervous or afraid but that is what I feel and I don’t want to ignore my feelings anymore. Would you like to start getting to know each other on a more intimate level?” At this point she will most likely say she is not interested…why? Because she is nervous and put on the spot. If you’re a guy who gets in this situation all the time, you’re probably thinking you’re getting rejected. However, if she still wants to hangout as ‘friends’ after that, I‘d say you still have a shot. In fact if that happened to me, I’d know I had more than a shot, it would just mean she has some resistance and fears I need to alleviate. If you’re thinking, ‘well, what if she doesn’t want me?’ GOOD The fact that you would want to live being tortured and starve of your desires physically, emotionally and mentally just so you don’t feel rejected…well that is an act of self-hate. If you empower self-hate what are you left to give a woman? [custom_headline type=”left, center, right” level=”h2″ looks_like=”h5″ accent=”true”] Always Ending Up In The Friend zone [/custom_headline]I’m If you’re a guy that always ends up in the friend zone If you’re this guy (and if you’re the above guy, you’re probably this guy too) you need to do 3 things in your interactions.

  • INTENT
  • ISOLATION
  • ESCALATION

There’s some finesse to all of these, but at their core they are really simple and easy to do. You just might not be used to them or know how. However, the idea that somehow you are incapable of them – WRONG! The fact of the matter is that in today’s society men don’t do this anymore. Neither do women really. We think going for what we want has to be an abnormal act. Like we need to be ‘selfish’ or ‘misogynistic’ or we need to be a ‘bad girl’ or something like that. we need to be a man and she needs to be a woman (at least in the sexual sense of it). That is it, we are supposed to want each other.

INTENT  If you’re a man you need to know how to say – “I am sexually attracted to you” In a way that she can understand. You will need to say that with your body, mind, face, demeanor and of course your words. To put it simply if you know you like a girl, say it as soon as you feel it. Stop thinking about it like a technique and start thinking about it like an expression. Of course there are better ways to say it, and not so good ways to say it, but start saying it. The great thing about it is you know when you do it right and wrong almost immediately. Here’s a few examples of meeting someone in the first 5 mins and stating intent in any situation – “Hey I really liked meeting you, but you’re really attractive in a lot of ways and I would like to talk to you more.” “You know as you were talking I totally got lost in the conversation because you have such amazing hair.” “Look, I know whether I like someone right away or not, and I can tell if I keep talking to you it will be a good thing, how can we do that?” The key is that she feels that you are serious about talking to her. You’re not representing ‘the right way society says to talk to women’, you’re representing YOU! Start acting like it. If she rejects you, good! That means she doesn’t like you and the relationship in whatever form would not work.

ISOLATION  One of the biggest problems I see with men who are always asking about the friend zone is they hangout in groups. It is safe, non-threatening and so on. Look, being social at the expense of ignoring your urge is pointless. Don’t do it. When you meet anyone, if you want to be a friend, make a sale or be their lover you need to be 1-on-1 with them. The great things about being human being is that often if you are 1-on-1 with them they naturally fall into rapport and sometimes seduction. If you’re a guy and you’re saying, ‘What if I go on dates and end up in the friend zone?’ Guess what, you need to start staying intent. Stop making it about what works to keep her around, and start making it about stating what you want. If I have any advice for anyone who is getting into social dynamics it is this, stop worrying about opening, and start worrying about isolating people. In fact open by isolating. It is weird at first but once you know you can do it, you can start being yourself and do it. Start asking people, “Hey can I borrow you for a second, I want to ask you something…” “Excuse me, I have a private question for you…” I am all for you growing out of this, but if you have 0 experience with opening and isolating, do it. Then start learning how you can just be yourself and do it.

ESCALATION  All this means is to move the situation further along in a direction that represents your connection. When it comes to sex it means sexual escalation. When it comes to sales it means sales escalation. You’re just moving into a direction together. Men who don’t do this in their sexual lives end up waiting for the woman to make the move or as a friend. It sucks. Here’s the deal If you want get a connection move to a date If you can get a date, get a kiss If you can get a kiss, get her back to your place or her place If you can get to room, get a kiss If you can get that kiss…start making sweet love! There are all sorts of techniques to get this down, but before you over think it, think of the above pattern. If you can’t connect, work on connecting. If you can connect then start getting dates. Move in a direction and lead. It is super simple and fast. Also the further you get along on this the higher then next move’s probability it. For instance, if you just meet someone she might be 50/50 on going on a date with you. however if you can get her on a date it is more like 60/40 on her kissing you….if you go for it.   [custom_headline type=”left, center, right” level=”h2″ looks_like=”h3″ accent=”true”] Conclusion [/custom_headline] As men we need to grow up. As women we need to grow up. We need to stop living our lives, especially our sexual lives based on what other people say. No matter how much something makes sense it will always be you alone and intimate with someone else when it comes to sex and relationships. You need to know what you want and learn how to ask for it. You need to learn what it means when someone says no. You need to learn how to handle that. But the idea that you are to be someone else (whether that is an exaggeration of a suppression) to get what you were born to be…well, that is kinda sad.

Steve Mayeda  

Questions or Comments Shoot em my way – Steve@theSexualLife.com Or just write them in the ‘comments’ section    

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