‘What do I say when she asks me how old I am?’

That’s the question of the day.  It is also a question that every man fears who’s over the age of 30 who wants to talk to a girl in get early 20’s.   Today with our TSL 0125 Podcast and this Article we will thoroughly answer this question, and then some!

[highlight type=”standard, red, dark”]Listen to the Podcast – What do I Say When She Asks ‘How Old Are You?'[/highlight]

The age old question –
You’re a man who’s in your 40’s or 50’s and you’re talking to a beautiful woman at a cafe, in an online dating situation or perhaps you’re introduced to her, you know right along with her undeniable beauty is the question she’s going to ask – ‘How old are you?’ You hate it. It is as if as soon as you answer that questions her interest & intrigue is going to turn to a sore taste in her mouth, leaving you feeling like a creep who should never even think about talking to a woman in her 20’s. 

  The truth is, you’ll never need to worry about that again.  The ‘age’ question should never be a fear you live by again.   

Believe it or not you have a major advantage.

THE QUESTION 
How do I handle the age gap?

This morning I got this question in my email box. It came from a friend of mine who just moved to a ripe college town, Tuscon, AZ from my town Austin, TX.  Now don’t get me wrong Austin is a college town, but it is also a town where you can meet women of all ages who are absolutely beautiful. If you’re in your 40’s or 50’s and single you can find beautiful women of every age, hobby and background. He wrote me this –

Hey bro, I have a “game” question for you and I need your expertise: How do I handle the age gap issue in a mature way?

I usually date women in their mid-twenties and it’s never really been an issue that I’m ten plus years older, but I recently moved to Tucson and there are not a lot of single women in that age range or even in their thirties because the primary employers here are the university and defense contractors, and not much else.

So I may be dating more college-age women while I’m here, and I think the age gap issue will probably come up sooner and more often, and I just turned 41 so now there is 20-year-ish gap.  Also, I don’t remember dating very many college-age women during the time I was in Austin.

My question is how I should respond to the “How old are you?” question in a mature, confident way.  I have heard a number of canned lines over the years from the community, but they mostly seem kind of flippant and childish, like I am trying to hide something.  I don’t want to hide it, but I want to deliver the message that I am comfortable with it in a confident way so they also feel comfortable, and then lead the conversation on to deeper topics.

Any sage advice or recommendations here?

 

THE ANSWER

This is where I would say you definitely need to listen to the audio to get all this down.  Just to make it easier you can fast forward to 6:58 and then follow right along.  It will get you the clarity of the ‘rules’ & ‘technique’ but more importantly the delivery and variations of the techniques.

Here’s what I wrote him…

Yeah man,

I am actually making a lot of content about this.  There are a few things to keep in mind that you will get right away because you have so much experience –

First you should download our guide on Older Men Dating Younger Women. Get it here, it is free, just enter your email address sort of thing.

Rule #1
Once you physically engage with a younger woman sexually, the age thing stops becoming an issue. The ‘age’ thing is only because of fears and reactions, and you need to calm them. Once you can engage with her physically, all those fears go away and you can move on to a great experience, until it becomes a ‘relationship’ issue.  In fact you can look at this in 2 separate situations.

Age Issue 1 – When you’re meeting them, getting them to take you seriously, and not set off the ‘creepy’ vibe.
Age Issue 2 – If you’re dating a while and they start worrying about being in a relationships with you. Like what their friends and family might think.

What you’re really asking is Age Issue 1, that is also the most common question asked for older men dating younger women.

First you need to realize younger women love dating, older men. What keeps them from it are these specific fears.
Social Judgement – What will their friend’s think
Lack of Experience  (lFear of the Unknown) – if they haven’t experienced it, it will scare them.
Being Taken Advantage of & Objectified – you’re a man with life experience, what if all you want is sex? 
There might be a few other’s but those are the ones we can expect and look to diffuse.

So if you’re not trying to embarrass her, take advantage of her and you think you can offer her a great experience in her dating life, why not learn to address those fears if she’s feeling them.

Rule #2
Honor your Identity. Whether you believe it or not, women in their 20’s want older men. They want a man that can make them feel like a lady. Respect them emotionally, sexually and socially, and they want the opportunity to open up and play without being judged. This is a tremendous advantage and you need to know this, because in a way you need to offer this and show it to them once you can diffuse their fears.

Your advantages are
You’re Stable
You’re Mature
There’s no Drama
You won’t treat them like the men their age, socially, sexually and emotionally
You are the one and only guy that can provide everything they want and need. And to be honest, they may not even know it. So you’re going to have to show them.

If you can do those 2 things, you won’t just have have women wanting you and dating you. You will have the women who have all the options CHOOSING YOU over all the other men.

Being an older man is a blessing. It is the time in your life when you actually have the chance to date all the women you wanted to date in your 20’s.

TECHNIQUE
You’re probably thinking, that’s great theory, but how to I apply it, easy…

We are going to apply all of this in a simple Social Dynamics Principle taught in TSL –
Define, Comfort & Relax
We are going to comfort the fear’s we can expect, and then define who we are and our role in the matter.

Let’s say you’re talking to a girl. You’re lightly flirting. You can tell she’s letting herself go a little bit and she asks you your age. You tell her, and she says –
Her – “You’re 41?”
You – (Calm and deliberate demeanor) “I’m not sure why you’re saying it like that, but I didn’t know age had anything to do with seeing a beautiful side to someone (or something you might say that is true about what you feel). Have you ever let yourself have a feeling, or do your feelings follow what other people think? Let me ask you, what is attractive to you?”

Her – “I don’t date older men”
You – “Do you always make things so complicated?  I was just talking to you, seeing if you’d like to talk sometime, I didn’t know you put so much pressure on yourself and others in your conversations. When was the last time you felt open enough to feel like you could just be yourself around a man? Right now you’re starting out with being defensive.”

The main idea with this is the first phase of resistance is a fear.  When a woman is telling you she is afraid of your age, she is REACTING and not making a DECISION. You’re literally calming her to side step the fear and then present her something she can make a choice with.

Another example of this is –
Her – “Yeah but you’re like 10 years old than me…”
You – “Look, I don’t want to be communicating with your fears or reactions, I want to be communicating with you, so either we can have a good time and enjoy each other for the moment or get in the way of each other because we are afraid of knowing each other?  I don’t really value the latter.”

A lighter way of saying this might be –
Her – “Wait how old are you?”
You – “I’m 41, does that bother you? It can only bother you if you think there is something wrong with that. I can tell you age does not set the limits for love, pleasure, good feelings and so on. But I do know that most men your age could never see you as the woman you are. I don’t want to put any pressure on you, if you’re afraid of talking to me because you’re doing something wrong then I had the wrong impression about you.”

And just because I really want you to get this, let’s simplify this a little bit more –
If you even sense that a girl is put off by your age, bring it up.

“You’re afraid. You’re afraid that I’m older than you. Maybe what your friends might think or your doing something wrong. I just want to spend time with you and not the fears that get in the way of you.”

Just see this as a way to calm that fear and get her real expression.

Now the second part of the relationship will be a factor once you actually are dating for a few week, and stuff…
Just know – EVERY hot girl with options has dated a man in her 40’s by the time she is 26.  They all love it for a few reasons.
There is no drama, there is better sex, even with the guys that can’t perform as good, because they respect the women more, more life experience and more stability.

A girl in her early 20’s (possibly 18) can tell you what she wants, but she literally does not have the life experience to really know what she wants.  As soon as she sees the difference between the older man and her peers, she will choose the older man.

Hope this helps,
Call me if you want me to talk about it with you.

One thing that I recommended to my buddy was this guide –

On Oct 1, 2015
We will be releasing our NEW TSL Quick Guide –
The 5 Facts You Need to Know About Dating Women in their 20’s
Get your download for FREE in just a few days!

 

If you’re in your 40’s or 50’s and want to date women in their 20’s it should be required reading. 

You can download it for FREE right here.
It will put everything in perspective and give you the dating life you have always deserved.

Also listen to the accompanying audio to this TSL 0125, you can get the delivery down and all the stuff that translates better over audio is there – plus you can listen in your car.

 

Be Social
Be Sexual
Live Life

Steve Mayeda