Being good with women doesn’t mean you approach them do some tricks and maybe walk away with a phone number.
Being good with women means being someone who can make a woman feel like a woman and find a woman that can make you feel like a man.
Unfortunately everybody seems to be caught up in the first example I mentioned.
Now being able to approach is pretty necessary, and knowing hat to say is too, but the focus of these things has nothing to do with what you want. Those things are the training wheels. They are assumptions when compared to the reality of being someone good with women.
We get caught up with the masquerade and lose sight of the purpose.
To be honest there is nothing like a woman being able to fully be herself emotionally and sexually raw right there in front of you. What is better than that – is when she is sexually and emotionally raw and completely attracted to you in your purest form. When I first started looking for answers in this community in 2005, that is what I was looking for. —— So today I was on Facebook and one of the girls I met in Mexico started a chat with me. She is from Austria and was freezing her ass off there.
*Actually I think I tried to reach her on Skype and then she found me on Facebook…then we went back to Skype. *
This girl is probably one of the more insightful women that I have met in terms of Sex and Sexuality. She is very comfortable with is and has had a lot of experience with it. In fact our conversation started off with me asking about how sex can be somewhat illusive. For instance I used to have Sex define my relationships. I used to need to have really crazy sexual experiences in order to appreciate sex. She understands this and also understands how that misses the point of sexuality as well. I was asking her about how my girlfriend and I were drawn to each other sexually and my girlfriend is probably more sexual than me, but sex eventually needs to be seen on a normal level and can’t define the relationship. You need a sexual definition, but you can’t have sex define things.
I feel kinda weird pointing this out, but me talking to her about sex and my girlfriend is not some bullshit routine, it is actually something normal that I talk about. Start seeing your interactions with women on a more normal or real level and you will not only start getting results, but you will also get reality as a result and no a manifestation of a fear.
Women that are sexually liberated is a big thing I am attracted to. However this is a rare find. It is hard to find a girl that is together for one, but also it is hard to find a girl that is sexually confident. Women say the same thing…
They can never find a man that is sexually confident. They can never find a man that makes them feel like woman. They can never find a man that makes them feel like someone who can be sexually free.
Men don’t know how to be men, cause women don’t know how to be women.
Some of the things you always hear in this community is – “Have her notice you” “Make the girls chase you” “Have her respect your value” and so on
These are good mentalities, but they are incomplete. In fact to call them half done would be an overstatement.
The real issue that guys come to me with has nothing to do with those ideas. Men don’t feel like a Sexual Beings. They feel like men who are chosen based on a Cosmo Checklist rather than men that are made by themselves and respected for that. They feel like men who serve their women in their interactions instead of men that go for what they want – failure or success is the result. A man is defined by the action. They feel like men that don’t know how to be themselves and truly please a woman. They don’t know how to assert that sexuality and attract a complimentary sexuality back.
Just as men don’t know how to be men, women don’t know how to be women.
This is all because – We as men don’t know how to make women know what it is like to be a woman.
Over 90% of what the PUA community talks about has nothing to do with this. It has nothing to do with how we can be more of a man, and how we can not only make a woman feel like a woman, but attract a woman or women that can make us feel this way too. What my Austrian friend was saying is that (because she is a Very Sexually dominant female) is that the biggest turn off for her is when a man cannot get comfortable sexually with her. She says this is a sign of someone not being able to be honest with themselves. One of the biggest turn offs fro me, is to find a girl that is obviously sexual, but is too afraid to express it.
A fundamental of Seduction is to realize and accept it is a woman’s game.
If it were up to men, we would just grab the women and make it happen right then and there. We don’t live in that world. We live in a world where sex and seduction are a woman’s game. And believe me I am not complaining about this… I think many guys have this anti-woman approach, I am definitely not saying that. Women have tremendous power in terms of Sex and Seduction. It is woman’s game. The idea that we are the ones who have to approach and have to say and do certain things in order to impress them is an acceptance of this. That being said most of the information I read in terms of Seduction hardly acknowledges this. It is voiced more long the lines that men just need to be not acknowledge or even entertain the idea of a woman’s power and at the same time still try and do all the things women like in order to bed her. Say this Routine Do this touching secret Wear these clothes Choose this Identity Drive this car Have this job Design this lifestyle In the PUA Community it is almost like these things are said to be a statement of our independence as men. When they are in some ways the opposite.
We need to see our independence as men as knowing women.
That doesn’t mean kissing ass, it means finding the right fit…making things happen. All the things we do that we say that matters in terms of Attracting a woman, let alone Seduce them are all part of playing the woman’s game of Seduction. If you can wrap your head around that idea and truly understand it you can realize how Expressing yourself and Seducing a woman is actually serving them and doing what women want rather than beating around the bush with all these stupid assumptions in terms of what they might like.
As was put by my friend from Austria – ‘When a guy is fucking me hard and completely dominating me he is the one serving me’
If that means serving a woman…then sign me up. See sex like that, start asserting your self and what you want in the right ways and you will start seeing a true unveiling of sex and relationships.
Wise words my friend.
I like where you’re headed with your teachings ET. More of a non-esoteric approach that teaches some the woo-woo stuff taught by David Deida. A great way to bring his stuff more mainstream. I LOVE that you acknowledge that seduction is women’s domain and that they ‘control’ the game. That’s why men have to seduce the woman and not vice versa. It’s a mistake as a man to think you can find a magic pill to seduce women. Yes, you may be able to trick a woman into bed, but that is merely an ego trip. To honestly show your sexuality as a man and be strong enough to accept a “no” is true macho. If she says yes, then being man enough to create a safe space for her to experience her full range of sexuality is true macho. Tricking a woman through attraction switches and comfort into sex for a few minutes of thrust, thrust, pound, pound squirt is lame. It’s a disservice to both the man and the woman. It’s like walking through the front door of Best Buy with a “Get Everything Free” card, looking at all the electronics from afar, and exiting the building without any of the goodies.
I hope your readers won’t read your female friend’s last quote and think they need to be “pounding” their ladies. There’s a time and place for everything and “pounding” is only a fraction of the range that needs to be sexually practiced with a woman. Dominance can also be achieved through a deep “gaze” into your woman’s eyes while you are penetrating her with everything.. your body, your emotion, your soul. Don’t stare like some psycho, but deeply gaze and be with her and ride her waves of emotion as it shifts; responding to her body and providing touch, nibble, slap, pinch, kiss, stroke, blowing, etc. as it’s requested through the subtle communication from her body. This is more of a tantric sex that will blow your woman’s mind when mastered. I know I may come across esoteric, but I’ve used this intention when making love to a woman and it creates an experience ten times better than plain physical pounding performance. It’s like cunnilingus on porn…. the stars do it for the visual effect but as far as enjoyment for the females… the “fence painting” technique is the worst one to use. In closing, domination is different to different people but if you can dominate a woman to open her power of love to you though true, authentic, genuine trust (not just open her legs for you) then you will be able to dominate her to depths previously unknown and ravish her body and soul.
The following is what I’ve learned from Deida. I’ve experienced some of this so I know it’s possible and believe it to be true. When learned and used correctly, it blows “Deep Comfort” completely out of the water.
Dominance is not merely pounding her privates, it’s the ability to serve her by building trust to open her heart and let her love flow into this world. A woman must be completely ravished to be satisfied. She must fully experience a man’s love penetrating into the heart of her being. She awaits the bloom of fullness. Yes, in her unfulfilled longing, a woman may fantasize about deep penetration by other men, horses, or fantastic creatures in search of fulfillment. But this is only because she hasn’t been able to receive her partner’s deepest penetration of ravishing love in her body and heart with full trust.
Many women tolerate their partners and their efforts with the tongue, vibrator, dildo or ten minutes of thrust and squirt. But deep inside she knows there’s more to sex than that. Yet, she doesn’t know how or what to do to get it. Eventually, bitching about her partner or depressed about her own lack, she shows the symptoms of an unravished feminine essence.
Learn how to ravish your woman’s feminine essence and they will glow with joy and fulfillment.
Peace,
– Synth
El Topo,
Your best post in months! Seriously, brilliant insights! I have been feeling something along the same lines lately but this is an amazing way to put it. Paradigm Shift.
I do take issue with your writing “inside” from the PUA community. Perhaps you have been in it for too long to see the world as merely two species Men and Women. Not as Men, Women and PUA’s!
Who cares about the so called PUAs? Your writings are very defined from the perspective of PUA community. Why is it an issue? I am getting tuned out. (Candidly, I am sick of mPUAs amoging each other publicly). Perhaps others are too.
Moving on, most men who find this material are not exactly sexuality confidant. It may be helpful, for you as a seducer extraordinaire, its imperative to shed light for “Men” how to get there. To be fair, I believe you intend your other products/training/videos to serve that role 🙂
On that I have a question, what do you mean when you say,
A fundamental of Seduction is to realize and accept it is a woman’s game.
Keep the good stuff flowing my friend.
Best post I have read in a while.
I never thought about seduction in this way, but it is very true IME.