I am 39,000 feet in the air…hard to imagine. They say the temperature outside is
-60 degrees. How is this possible?
I have been watching this movie while on this plane and it actually brings me to write this little post. Hopefully it makes sense.
The interview was this morning and it stirred a bunch of thoughts that I have had for a while.
It kinda pissed me off a little.
Not cause the Dream Team pissed me off, but because it brought up a lot of things about the assumed life of the PUA.
So all of that mixed with being stuck on a plane for 4 hours watching the movie “500 Days of Summer” have inspired me to write about all this.
One of the Questions they asked me was something along the lines of this –
“What got you into the PUA community and how has it shaped you now?”
If you would have asked me what I wanted when I first read the Game and started hunting around online I would have answered something like – “I want to Get the women I wanted”
Now here was what was really happening in my life –
– I was stuck in a relationship with a girl I had kids. Not talking trash on her, but neither of us were happy.
– I had very little friends in my social circle (pissed them all off, pretty crazy in my music days)
– I was trying to quite drinking because I had to be a dad and not some crazed troubadour stirring up chaos wherever I was
– I might have been somewhat interesting on the outside, but for the most part I had managed to piss off everyone around me
In that mix the answer was that I was lonely and had no sense of self. I didn’t know what I wanted. Nor did I know how to get it.
My life completely depended upon what other people thought of me and rather than looking at those things I feared in myself I found that it was easier to look at things around me to be changed to solve whatever problems I had.
When I put my first name in the email box and my email address in there, I didn’t want the
‘Secrets on how to Make Strippers race outside the club to be picked up in my beat up Truck”
What I wanted was an answer outside of myself to fix my problems.
In reality the PUA community saved my ass in many ways…
Because the PUA community as a vast majority has become the ultimate example of not fixing a problem, but pointing it out and offering an incomplete solution.
The reason why there is such failure in the PUA industry (they say 90% failure rate, but who knows…I would assume more than that) is not cause what the people teaching this stuff are flawed or what they are teaching is flawed. The problem is that they are answering the wrong question.
To put things simply if I were to ask you, what do you want from this experience you may or may not be able to give me an answer. You might be able to give me an answer that give a concise list of things that you might want with women and your life.
However once I start working with someone you soon realize that those are not the things that they really want.
The fact of the matter is that we are a lonely culture. We are massive and interwoven through so many social outlets and we feel empty with knowing who we are.
I use this analogy many times –
If you are on a plane that is jam-packed. You’re on your way to somewhere far. It is an 8 hour flight or more, you might talk to a few people immediately around you.
However if you are on a plane that is an 8 hour flight and there are 10 of you on that flight, all of you will most likely interact.
The reason for this is cause the more of us there are in a social forum, the more out of touch we are with each other. You see it so plainly in so many cultures. The more dense a society gets, the more the walls go up.
There is a lot of pissed-off-ness coming out of the PUA community now. I get it. I get why guys like Barry Kirkey and John Prat are pissed. I get that most teachers are frauds. I agree with them on many levels.
In fact being a teacher that works in this industry it pisses me off when I see people being ripped off.
At one time I was a guy that searched for purpose and searched for something to give me the definition that could be called me.
Things have change and I owe that change to the PUA community – whether that is in a situation where I am pressed against the wall, or I am sifting through the normal mundane bullshit…I can take life and look it in the eye and say who I am.
To the skeptics out there who are pissed off and confused about the scam of the PUA industry – Yes, I agree with you but get off your fucking ass a life’s purpose mad up of talking shit and gossip can’t be all that great…what are you holding on to?
To illustrate my dilemma with the BS of the industry here’s a story I have –
A year ago a guy who I used to work with released a program that was supposed to a path to mastery. I knew he was incapable of it, and all of us who knew him knew he was in capable of it. In fact many guys who had bought stack from me, or people I knew from Lairs were asking me what I thought of the program. Out of the 15 or so people that asked me about this year long program I only told 2 not to do it. The rest I just played dumb.
Now it has been over a year since that program launched (and mind you this is a good teacher, but is he capable of teaching anything beyond the basics…I had never seen it). Many of those guys dropped out of the program and ended up hiring me – 7 of them. All 7 of them told me it did nothing for them.
A few of the guys were kind of pissed that I did not tell them what I thought about the capabilities of this instructor and what he was claiming.
And from what I heard he started with over 30 guys and ended with less than 6. 3 of those supposed 6 guys are currently working with me claiming that they didn’t get results they wanted but they stuck with it anyway.
But here is the problem. The problem that the community falls into more than anything else, instead of focusing on the solution it focuses on gossip.
Solution starts with belief that change can happen and you can be a part of it.
So now as I ask myself in the 3 years of being in this industry let me tell you what I got….
-I have the ability to change people’s lives. And I do. I have only done this by falling on my ass over and over again and learning to be honest, through that I teach other people the same thing.
-I have found the women I have always wanted and gotten them only to realize that they were not what I really wanted. I only realized this after getting lots of women, having multiple girlfriends, managing strippers, harems and so on…yes I know it is a bit over the top, but I have actually done those things.
– I learned that I could sleep with a lot of women, but I couldn’t keep them. Later I learned many ways to keep them. In fact I learned to keep many women at once, but in the long run the hardest was to keep the one I actually wanted 1.
-More importantly I learned to look at myself. And when I did that I could realize what I wanted. It was that simple, once I learned to look within myself I found the answers to the things that held me down.
Now as I am writing this, the move “500 Days of Summer” is ending.
It is a typical story about a guy that has no balls, and he has a crush that turns into a relationship with a chick that is more like a dude than him.
I used to totally be that guy. In fact the movie is actually pretty cool and I have a lot in common with it.
It starts out with a Regina Spektor song,
They make Henry Miller, and Ingmar Bergman References, the guy wears a Joy Division Shirt, and Zooey Deschanel as the femme fatale is every hipster kids dream girl. She even says she is like Sid rather than Nancy….fuck yeah.
I know most PUAs could not relate to these things, but I can – those things are a part of my culture.
But it is just one more movie where the guys is a bitch, and the hope is that somehow this aloof pussy will get to be his cool outsider self and achieve the life he so desires.
That sure as shit ain’t me anymore.
So here is what I got in the PUA journey…
Although the road has been bizarre I learned to have the life I want and get it.
I could still do this much better, but in comparison to the bitch in this move that I once related with I am pretty far from it.
Progress rather than perfection…
Sometimes quickly and sometimes slowly.