You gotta let me know what you think of this haircut!
I am sitting at a Barber Shop in ATX with my friend Steven.
It is a 45 min wait…lets see what I can write.
In fact I have had this idea in my head ever since talking to my friend Sean the other night on the phone. He was telling me about women and I thought… ‘man, I gotta write about this’.
Now Steven and my Haircut journey is going to have to get the brunt of this article.
Steven is not a PUA, Dating or Seduction follower, nor does he want to be.
When I tell people what I do for work they are always flabbergasted as to what I do. They never can wrap their head around it.
Steven is a pretty honest man, and he has often times asked me for some pointers here and there. When giving advice to a guy outside of the whole Dating/PUA realm you realize how alien the baseline techniques are.
In fact you miss so much when you mold your mind to typical Dating Techniques.
In fact you completely fuck yourself. Yes they work as a mechanic, but they don’t really work beyond that.
One of the reasons why typical dating advice sucks is because its root is to be dishonest. The root is of it is to throw away yourself and mimic someone you might think is cool. Let’s hope your perception is good…
Or perhaps I should put it better…you need to be willing to be dishonest in order to use the techniques.
My Advice to Steven was based around the idea of Honesty….the forgotten tool.
You see professional Dating/Seduction advice givers are really obsessed with looking good. They want every aspect of their life to fit what is ‘cool’ or what other people might think is attractive.
However I have quite a flavored social circle and have known guys who are good with women (really good with women) who have nothing. In fact they are –what some might consider – losers.
I have always been more interested in a guy who gets results, especially with women, who has the disadvantages rather than the (usually false) advantages…
Whatever those guys are doing is what I want to be doing.
You take a guy who has no job or a crappy job, no money, no car, takes the bus and doesn’t really shower too often and what makes women want him???
It is cause that guy…that ‘loser’ –
is honest about his life and honest about what he wants.
Here is where the info you have read out there is completely wrong.
People always have said women are attracted to ‘Value’. This meaning a ‘Social Value’.
In reality ‘Social’ ‘Provisional’ and ‘Emotional’ Value have more to do with attracting a relationship. In fact there are actual studies by real academics that have discovered this. Read David Buss’ books. I got the opportunity to speak with him in Texas. It makes sense though.
Women who see ‘value’ are attracted to you in more of a relationship than a sexual urge.
Women who are attracted to urges or sexuality only need sex to be allowed.
Women are attracted to both…and probably more, so what you show them is what is important.
What you have, or who you know, attracts a woman in less of a sexual way and more of a relationship way. She felt safety first, and was drawn in be the potential for having a mate. What is great about the PUA industry especially, is that they got good at faking a lifestyle, but nobody really got good at having one.
Things that Sexually Attracted were different, and independent of ‘Value’. For a woman to feel ‘Sexually Attracted’ to you she didn’t need much. She needed maybe some intent and an option for her to choose than anything’s else…
An example of that might be…
“You’re really attractive, but I still want to talk to you and not freak you out…what do you do when you’re not hanging out with your friends?”
The “You’re really attractive” part is the Intent
The “but I still want to talk to you and not freak you out” has her be led out of the threat…
The “what do you do when you’re not hanging out with your friends” part allows her a choice to have a conversation with you or not.
That mix of Intent and Choice is what makes attraction happen. Now that example is pretty direct and unique, but it you opened with that, you would harvest better results than if you went through all this fake mumbo jumbo stuff.
How this fits into the Honesty thing is that getting better at stating Intent (what you want) is honest. Also being able to Show yourself for ‘who’ you are is also honest.
Those are both attractive things…even ‘alpha’ things.
What the Dating Gurus never got was that if you show Intent it is attractive –
If you are not afraid to show who you are, that is attractive.
They might have said those things, but then they would say they are not accountants (or whatever job or persona they felt they were ashamed of) and said they were something else different.
When you think about it, it is not really anyone’s fault either…but it is not the solution.
When you look at the ‘hot woman’ crowd they do all this fake shit to compete to get men’s attention. They might wear tons of make-up, they might get fake boobs, might wear a push up bra, who knows what else…
Where guys have fucked up is they forget that if they could learn to not be afraid of themselves and assert themselves they would actually get women.
If they could learn a simple mechanic like…
-State who you are
-Define the situation
they would get much further. What is frustrating for me is that there are guys out there that have such rich lives that they think they can’t share.
For instance my buddy Sean, who inspired this topic, he has raised his son by himself and worked a normal, no non-sense job for most of his life. He has never really had problems with women, but what is important is that he was never ashamed of himself.
If you put his life within the PUA/Dating filter the cons would out weight the pros.
Without writing too much about his personal life I can say that he has never really had all the exaggerations that the dating scene said you had to have to meet women.
In fact he would have things they would encourage to hide.
In knowing Sean he never did. He wasn’t ashamed of himself.
He had no problem telling a girl he liked her…
He had no problem telling a girl who he was
He had no problem guiding a girl in the right direction.
The problem is the Seduction, PUA, and Dating scene got it wrong.
You can be yourself, but you have got to be willing to be honest.
You don’t need to hid from yourself.
You don’t need to be ashamed of yourself
You need to worry less about what you think ‘they’ think is attractive
Worry more about what you are going to show them is attractive.