I sent this article out to my list last week, and I wanted to share it with the blog readers too!
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I titled it as The Ultimate INNER GAME Solution, and I believe it is…but there are many ways to INNER GAME… If anything it is my Experience. It doesn’t matter what roads you take, it matters where you end up!
Your mind needs to be CLEAR and this is how I do it. This is how I cultivate a Supreme Lifestyle where nothing gets in my way….
Bad Economy, Shit with Women, pretty much whatever troubles come my way…it puts all things in perspective and allows me always to take a step forward rather than sit in my own ego going nowhere.
It is long, but I didn’t want to break it up.
Give it a good read and if you need help with any of it, just ask…
Part 1 – Managing Unmanageability
I am not sure how well you guys know me, but one thing about me is that I could always be a little bit more organized. Other than teaching Pick Up I work with others in terms of addictions.
I have done this before way back in the day, but for the past 9 months I have been again. It keeps me level headed.
As you may have noticed the PUA Lifestyle is pretty crazy and hectic.
It is consumed with Superficiality and it is completely Obsessed with Value and Status. Also it deals with Sex and Manipulation, which are 2 things that can easily sweep someone off their feet into a whirlwind of bullshit. It doesn’t have to be any of these things, it can actually be so much more.
From my experience these sorts of things really don’t bring too much peace of mind in the long run. I have seen so many people (including myself) spin into complete disorder with this kind of lifestyle.
I know you hear me talking about Sexualizing Game and Cold Reads and Framing (don’t get me wrong, these things are important) but in reality let’s not forget that the reason why all of us got into this was to in someway improve ourselves. Getting the women we want in our lives should be a side effect of the lifestyle we manifest.
When I am working with people who are in need of help outside of Pick Up, I do it all volunteer. I put a lot of time into it as well. It works both ways, it helps me more than it helps them at times. There is a lot of cross over with it and with Self-Improvement.
So here are 5 things I do to help me and help others maintain a good headspace. You could easily say if I do not do these things, I pretty much don’t function properly, and my life becomes completely unmanageable. It may not make sense to you, but try it. If you want to know more about this in terms of Inner Game email me (eltopoPUA@gmail.com) I feel that the best way to work on these types of changes in your life, it is best to work directly with someone.
One thing that has always been around since society is someway for man to express humility. Religion is a common example of this. I have never been religious. I actually like learning about religions and think they have a lot to offer, but I have never followed one.
What I find to be the most important part of all this is humility. It really doesn’t matter how you do this, but there is a sense of relief that comes to me when I learn to let go of things and not try and always be the BEST. I can only do what I do best.
I remember when I was 20 years old and pretty much questioning about everything someone was telling me about god.
I told him, “I don’t believe in god”
He said, “You don’t have to believe in god, but know there are things more powerful than yourself. Just like right now talking to you right now the 2 of us are a power greater than ourselves as an individual, that is good enough.”
I have carried this around since then. This is the fundamental of my working with people, it is even an aspect of when I am talking to a girl in set. I tell her that for me talking to her is an experience that I believe is a power greater than myself. I truly believe that seeing your experiences on a daily basis as being a part of a bigger picture, you being just a small player in the over all events always keeps my head in check.
2-Taking a Personal Inventory-
This is something that I find to be one of the hardest things.
I find this hard to do with Business, in Game and I find this hard to do with myself.
The funny thing is that when I do this, I actually feel free.
My Aunt used to tell me over and over,
“being balanced didn’t mean that you give hot and cold equal time in your day. It means that you get in a place that works and maintain it.”
I guess you could say the goal is an even keel.
One of the reasons how I get so out of balance is by not taking a look at the roots I have set in the ground.
I do this in kind of simple way, I take a look at what is making me mad in life. I
n doing that, I pretty much make a list of things I am angry about, I also write down why I am angry, what part of me it effects and then my part in it.
What I see in doing this, is a pattern of actions that I have taken that helped me build this instability. From there I can access what I need to change.
I will say that the real relief comes from actually taking a healthy and honest look at myself. Taking a look at the relationships I have built, for better or worse, taking a look at the problems right in front of me, and taking a look at how these things repeat over and over in my life, shows me the changes that need to be made for me to made personal progress.
It is not a pragmatic solution, it really is an emotional solution. Whenever I do something like this, my ‘Inner Game’ is at its best.
I see me for who I am and I am not afraid to show it, proud to be all that I am, good and bad.
3-Spend Good Times with Good Friends-
This is in some ways the most normal thing, but it is also one of the hardest things that for us in this day and age. When I was younger, my ego was pretty off the charts.
I worked in many artistic fields and constantly pressured myself to be the best.
I can actually say that I was, in the eyes of my audiences, and I lived for this. I am not sure if I ever believed it. When people would call me a perfectionist, I would argue with them back saying, “A perfectionist, makes things perfect. I keep trying because it is NEVER perfect”
I have a few people who I look up to but one person who I look up to in terms of business and that is my friend Vince who lives on Maui. He looks like he’s a homeless guy, but he is one of the best business men I know. Has a good life, lives how he wants to live and is successful in all the ways he has ever wanted to be.
I asked him one day after working my ass off on this one project,
‘why do people need to be so social, why don’t they do what they need to do and not waste so much time caring about what other people think?’
(like I said I was pretty obsessive about being competitive and I was pretty naïve… still am. But I was super anti-social, and only worked)
‘It is because we need to have friends, if you don’t have friends and socialize you can’t be happy, let alone get good at the things you want to get good at. It is built in our brains.’
Now I thought this was interesting, I always thought of Vince and somewhat of a curmudgeon, but later on I realized that he had very close relations with all sorts of interesting people. It went anywhere from deranged homeless people, to other millionaires who would constantly ask him for advice.
It was in that I realized this is so very true…
Who you are friends with and how you are friends with them makes you just as much as what you do.
Within the PUA community this can be hard.
First off you are trying to build social circles, you are socializing on steroids with women with the goal in mind either, a number, qualification, day 2s or sex, and also the community can be pretty superficial too.
So keep in mind, this is about self-improvement! We are supposed to be better people. I agree you might need to try things a little less human and more mechanical at first, but the goal should be to be yourself but in a better way. You need to be able to, take certain techniques and translate them to yourself.
It can be very hard to do this in the PUA community, because you are judged for how well you implement superficiality, and not what you like to do.
So what I had to learn how to do in the community was to make better friends. I don’t know if this is true for many instructors out there, but I have made some really close friends in the PUA community.
In fact, I have made friends that have proven to do literally anything for me. They have saved my ass over and over again.
How this happened, was because it wasn’t ever all business when I hung out with them, I always opened my door. Even if you have an open door and someone comes in and takes a shit on your feet (has happened many times) it is better than closing people out and living in fear.
I see the people who have their doors closed and they are some of the loneliest people and yet they teach social dynamics.
One of my best friends told me last night after meeting a PUA Guru-
“I think 95% of the PUAs are smoke in mirrors…
I have lost faith in the community, I think it’s a bunch or losers scamming even bigger losers out of money. No offense…”
Sadly I can see what he is talking about and if you get to meet a lot of the people out there teaching this stuff, I think that you will actually see how Instructors are very responsible for building this image.
Why not make your learning process in Pick Up surrounded by good people and stop facilitating some sort of douche bag mentality, of I am better than you ?
4-Make Good with Those you have Wronged-
This is quite possibly the hardest thing for many people. This is pretty much the hardest thing for me to do. However, let me put it in a different perspective…
We are trying to be Dominant Leaders, a leader doesn’t need to be constantly validated by what other people think. A leader doesn’t need to lead by empowering fear or desperation, a leader can (and in my mind should) lead by making things best for people.
I have done a shit load of fucked up things in my life, I mean you have no idea…
When people gossip online about me, the funny thing is that they are full of shit about what they are bringing up, but things that I have really done in the past are way worse.
By all means, I am not bragging about this. I am saying that there is a lot of bullshit that I used to carry around with me. In fact there is still a lot of bullshit. So how do I get rid of it?
But what does a person who is dominant with their lives do about this, they release the tensions they have built in their lives. One thing I am NOT saying is that, one shouldn’t be cathartic about this in any way. They also should not kiss everyone’s ass, but what i am saying,is in every interaction where I have been wronged, I usually had a part in it.
In fact when I was 17 my girlfriend was sexually assaulted in literally the worst way. This would definitely put us both on the victim side of things. I didn’t really have to make good with anyone in terms of this who wronged me, but because I held on to it, and kept that resentment it came out in so many other ways.
My part in it that I had to make good with, was with her, and myself.
I will say for myself I am always nervous when I focus on clearing up the wreckage of the past, but after each one I realize how much my ego holds me back from being in the present.
Just focus on one at a time, perhaps one a week, or even one a month.
Whether you stole a million dollars or an hour of sleep from someone, it is a great way of living. This I definitely think you should do with the consultation of someone else, it makes it easier.
5-Work With Others-
This is one thing that almost everyone says to me after they have done a training session with me, “I wanna tech this stuff”. I think that most people’s motives are more along the lines of helping people rather than being the part of some bizarre social hierarchy of PUAness.
However, at some point everyone seems to forget this. They get some skills and after that they can stay or go in the community. I think that if you are going to stay in the community, there is no point in having an ego. It really isn’t that cool…come on…
As I have pointed out again and again, it is good to have an ego, but it is not good to be egotistical.
We have a huge community of guys who want to get better at talking to women and improving themselves, and everybody works against each other more than coming together.
When I entered the community, I thought it was weird at how bizarrely catty the people who ran it were. All they did was talk shit on each other, and brag about getting laid.
The funny thing was that the people teaching in that community then were saying things about female psychology and how women do this and do that, and you have to somehow regulate them.
After being in the community and teaching in it for 2 years now, I have noticed that PUAs are actually more of those ‘effeminate’ qualities than ANY woman I have met.
This mentality among other ones spun off to this idea where people thought being the bigger asshole to the next guy or girl was the way it worked.
The truth of the mater is that there are many ways to game, but they all have a ton on commonalities. Somehow the ‘Community’ has allowed the businesses define it, whatever it is… ‘Natural Vs Canned, Direct Vs Indirect, Sexual Vs Non Sexual’…and so on…
If you have something to offer, then help someone out who can use your help. I obviously charge fro what I do, but I make sure that I give the ABSOLUTE value in what I teach. I always Speak at Lairs for FREE and do a ton of FREE Phone consults. When I Speak at a Lair I usually offer a FREE night out with me to the 5 newest guys. I never hold anything back either, I give you my all!
Giving back is important! Work with others.
Any questions on how I more specifically do these things, email me.