The Sexual Life  – A Philosophy to Live and be Sexual

Seduction is one of the ultimate exchanges humanity is capable of, it is the raw expression of self.

If you’re doing it right it will complete you as a human being, everything about you will be enhanced.

Its beauties will carry over into every aspect of your life.

If done wrong, you’ll find those beauties to become hells.  A life augmented by selfishness, power, control and manipulation, making the beautiful potential of sex a mass of confusion instead. 

Like many things more powerful than us, if we are not humble, we will be humiliated…

The key to finding a balance in our seduction, to  achieve a level of Sexual Honesty.




Sexual Honesty – Identity and Happiness

A few weeks ago I asked Janelle what would be some good topics to talk about.

She came up with Sexual Honesty as the first topic. 


I was immediately for it.

We rehearsed a video and shot it that same day.

Most people don’t think of a topic like this because let’s face it we are all just focusing on getting laid.  And there is nothing wrong with that.  However to be someone who is good with women, or vise versa (women wanting to be good with men) you need to take things on a true Seducer’s path.   Let’s face it, if you’re only having sex to get laid, then you’re missing out on how awesome sex is.


In fact I find it funny that people look for dating advice searching for a method or ‘fool-proof’ system, yet really all these people want is to connect with someone.  To think that all you want is just sex, is a beggar’s mentality.   A starving man only wants to eat, but it is always better to enjoy a meal.  And it is best when things like your sex and your life reach a point of total integration.   You become the man you want to be and live the life with the friends, lovers and experiences you like.


Sex is a powerful thing.  If we’re not looking at the entire ‘art of seduction’ then we are truly missing something.  We are not looking at ourselves, and we are then blind to the freedom of actually exchanging with someone else on one of the highest levels of communication.   Sex as just sex is like disrespecting sex.


What is Sexual Honesty?  Why is it important?

Janelle and I asked ourselves this question and we came up with the model of –

  • Explore it
  • Own it!
  • Share it


This gives you the ability to not only be yourself and communicate who you are and what you like, but also grow as a person.

It is who you are, and going for what you want.

And why its important?  Because if you aren’t being who you are and your having sex with that you’re going to completely fuck yourself up (to put it simply).


This ranges from –

How you approach people

How you have sex with people

How you have your relationships.

What you like about sex

Why you’re having sex

and the true expression of who you are as a sexual being.


– Identity –

It all starts with Identity…

Because sex is an exchange of yourself, you need to be you.  There is no way around this.  The idea of being false or not being yourself will only lead to confusion.   Don’t get me wrong, you do have to fake it a little to make it.  If you’re a guy and you haven’t had women in your life, then by all means, go out there and get laid.  Same goes for you if you’re a woman.  I was talking to one of my very conservative female friends the other day and she was saying, ‘When I was 22, you have not idea the crazy stuff I was up to with guys in bars’.  We all need to play the field if we want to be a part of the game.   However don’t let that fool you.  Sex goes far beyond fucking someone.    This is sadly where most of the Seduction Industry hits a wall, even more sadly it hits that wall because either the people teaching are full of shit or they are having some of the emptiest sex lives one could imagine.   How someone could have as much sex as a PUA is supposed to have and not evolve in their entire life seems impossible to me.   The few guys I know that live the PUA lifestyle (that’s like 5 guys out of the thousands I know) are truly some of the most fucked up individuals I have met.


That is why It starts first with your Identity.   People who aren’t interacting, having sex with and engaging with who they are will only build more of a divide between the reality of their loneliness and the result of the promiscuity.

You need to know who you are sexually.  I know for myself one of the things I learned early on was that rather than going for the women and experiences that I really wanted I went for things I thought I would want.

Especially being in the PUA Industry I pushed for everything PUA.  Same Night Lays, Strippers, Bathrooms, and quirky thing I could pull off sexually.  Believe me novelty is fun, but novelty is not life.

I had to realize I liked sex in all its forms, not the event and situation sex came with.


Later Sexual Honesty also had a part to play beyond my own Identity but also in my relationships.   When you start having sex with someone and exchanging emotions, lifestyles and so on things just get completely crazy.

Believe me, if you have any issues they are going to rise to the surface.   When I started having multiple relationships with women, open relationships with women my emotional latitude was redefined.  The more women I had in my life the more I was challenged as a human being to communicate and share myself with them.  I learned slowly, often times bringing myself to points of absolute confusion and anger.

Women that were simply casual sex partners to girlfriends.  Ultimately it came back down to my Identity.   Once again I had to look within myself to understand what I really wanted.  Through always coming back to who I was and how that influenced who I was sexually I as able to reach a point of complete self-acceptance.  My sexual behavior became a catalyst for personal freedom, it was the ultimate form of self-exploration.

I had to learn to communicate that, communicate myself.   I couldn’t rely on a routine, but more of an expression of who I was.  This was one of the hardest things in all my experience with women to do.   To truly be able to communicate with a woman what I wanted, not communicating or miscommunicating to get what I wanted.

This was the beauty and freedom I had always longed for…

I could live the life I wanted, I could have the sexual life I wanted all I had to do was be able to express that.  That was the motive behind all the PUA bullshit.  I just wanted to have an awesome life with women, emotionally, sexually and spiritually.    And all that hinged on me just being able to communicate in the right ways who I was and what I wanted…

Believe me, if you go up to a women an say, “I want to have sex with you, but not be in a relationship and have other partners”  it isn’t going to work.  There are ways to say it right.  And it was a big jump to not have to lie either.  To be dishonest is easy, however, it restrains and pollutes the entire situation in sooooo many ways.


The best part is that my lifestyle began to achieve everything that I had wanted it to be in the first place.  I started to have things that I thought were impossible.  I had relationships with multiple women that had little drama.  I not only had the sexual fulfillment in my life I had wanted, but also the emotional fulfillment.

I had women in my life the way I wanted women in my life.  Funny thing is the deeper you go within yourself the more things change.  My ego doesn’t need many women now.  Sometimes I might have the urge, but to be honest I just want what is infront of me.  If I am with a woman I want her, if I want to play then I play…

The idea of ‘having women’ or ‘getting a woman to do what I want’ are those beggar mentalities.  They are the mentalities of a starving man looking through a pane of glass where people are eating.  His hunger is more of a fantasy.  His reality starts when he finally has food in his belly.



In this video we breakdown Sexual Honesty in 3 Steps–


1 – Explore it –

We need to know that every time we interact with our sexuality, we are interacting with a deeper part of ourselves.   We need to be open to this.

If you think you like women, men, different types of sex… whatever… You need to explore it.  You need to think about it, experience it and see for yourself what these urges and temptations are.  When you start walking on that path you will then find out what you really like.  There are no rules to this game, if you like it, try it.  I guarantee if you set out on your own exploration you will end up discovering things you never would have imagined about yourself.

Sex is another language.  We have the urge to speak it and some tools to speak with, but we need to become fluent with it.


2 – Own It! –

This is something people completely fall short of.  Many of us have explored our sexuality but we feel we need to hide from it.  This is one of the worst things you can do for yourself.

You need to be proud of who you are.  You need to take what you’ve learned about your sexuality and have pride and confidence towards it.

This means if you are into pg-13 sex, lewd sex, fetish sex, midnight bathroom hook ups you need to own it.

I am not a judgmental person when it comes to sexuality, but let’s say something you like is not within the realms of the law…you need to obey the laws of your culture, but you the last thing you want to do is be ashamed of your natural urges.

Most of the sex acts that are violent aren’t actually sexual in nature.  This comes from frustration, isolation and keeping one’s sexuality a secret until it becomes a breaking point, erupting in distortion.  Their action is a point of not thinking they are able to explore and own their sexuality.

No matter how crazy you think you are, step one is to accept those things…denial = an anger turned inward.

So Own it!!!



3 – Share it –

When you have discovered who you are and you own it, then you have got to share it.

Self-exploration is dependent on experience.  You need to exchange.  Give to get.  Get sexual, approach some new people, put yourself out there.

When you exchange sexually with someone your sexual definition begins to change.   This is the real step in sexual transformation.

Sex is meant to be experienced and shared.  It was never meant to be theorized about, structured or any of the things discussed in this video blog… (call me a fan of sex…I know)

However it is so powerful it can dominate our minds, and be the center point of pleasure as well as frustration.  It all depends on how we share our sexuality.

You have got to share yourself to be true to yourself.  To live the Sexual Life means sharing in the best possible way with the people you want to be around.


Be Sexual,

Love Life


Live well,


Steve Mayeda