So this was emailed to me in response to my Kung Fu Penis post.
I am putting it up there, because as i was reading it, I was like… man I can relate to that.
I figure other guys into this stuff can too.
So here it is…

It make total sense as well.

From an anonymous friend-

I was young (I’m talking 6 or 7 here) when I found my dad’s stash of Penthouse magazines.

I really liked the naked women, but had absolutely no clue what the hell was going on downstairs. I literally remember like it was yesterday. I remember thinking that it looked like a hairy pecan.

I could, however, read and I found myself drawn to the forum/letters section.

I had no idea what the hell half the words meant, but I had a dictionary and I soon widened my vocabulary to a dangerous level for someone under the age of ten.

I was amazed as I read the letters and then flipped through the dictionary for descriptions of what was occurring. I couldn’t believe how non-magical and how very dirty sex was.

Looking back, I don’t think I’ve ever studied as long and as hard(no pun intended) on any subject since.

In, sixth or seventh grade, I made myself known to girls by showing them words I’d learned. Not the actions, just the explanations.

As disgusting as most of those words would sound to most kids, for some reason girls would keep coming back to learn new words from me.

When it came time for high school and a few of my friends had actually gotten laid I noticed that their girlfriends would complain to me that my friends were boring when they fucked and that they were mostly two pump chumps.

They complained to me, because I was the shy, safe one.

While they chewed my ear off, I would say things to them like “Maybe if you’d sucked his cock better, he’d pin you down and fuck you hard like I do to girls” or “I like when girls are dirty and show me the come in their mouth before they swallow.”

The thing here was that I wasn’t getting laid. I didn’t, actually, until after high school. I would always use one or two line sentences because I didn’t want to be scrutinized and busted.

In my mind I was talking about the girls standing in front of me.

What I learned in these conversations is that I could practice covertly talking dirty to girls who weren’t offended because we were loosely in the same social circle, and again, I wasn’t seen as a threat.

I tell you what though, threat or not, girls would come to me to hear about the things I would do to a girl and eventually my girlfriends outnumbered my guy friends.

I knew I was good at the shit, but I never had the balls to man up and fuck any of them.

Thing is, since high school I’ve ran back into a few of them and to a T, they’ve almost all said that they thought my shyness was cute, that they remember how dirty I talked and that they wanted to hook up with me in high school, but I never made a move on them.

**We’ve all got stories like that. Unfortunately, years of crapping out babies and hitting the lard buffet has destroyed most of them physically.**

I guess what I’m saying is that I not only agree with sexualizing things with dirty talk early on is good ground work, but I KNOW that the shit works!

As I look back on my history, the women who were the freakiest in bed were the ones that I allowed to be by setting the right tone for them to be (I think that sentence makes sense).


Here’s what the fuck I’m saying:

I BELIEVE IN THE WORDS OF REAL PIMPS!

I BELIEVE IN THE WORDS OF PROSTITUTE!!

I BELIEVE IN THE WORDS OF ESCORTS!!!

I BELIEVE IN THE WORDS OF TRANNY’S AT THE LESBIAN BARS!!!!

I BELIEVE THEIR WORDS BECAUSE THEY ARE THE WORDS OF PEOPLE WHOSE LIVELIHOODS DEPEND ON KNOWING WHAT GETS DICKS HARD AND PUSSIES WET!!!!!

It’s the language, son. It’s all about the cunning linguistics.